a bowl of something good

2012-01-19T02:23:00.000+07:00

Quick question. Does anyone have a health journal? A journal to keep track of their health situation?

I do keep a journal. A book that is--or a diary to some people--and obviously this blog. I write about..well..everything I could think of. But of course, not much about my health. Mental health maybe ;)

Anyway, I might start to have one tonight. Well, not a new blog or old-fashioned diary..just a new post. Baby step.

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I've been pretty much in hibernation mode these past month. Like a bear during winter. Thanks to the crazy cough from my impromptu Bali getaway few weeks ago. Apparently, Bali during rainy season was tough for this spoily girl. Aha.

So yea, I took my rest. A lot. I got myself those on-the-counter cough syrups. No luck. So I went to my doctor. Got myself antibiotics and an X-ray. Finished the meds and still no luck.The X-ray result suggested I still have some problems from my previous flare up last year. More antibiotics. Stronger ones. Choked up at the cashier. Geez.

Oh, and my doc sent me to another 6-session of inhalation treatment. That means 6-round trip to the hospital for 6 consecutive days. Okay, I had undergone this treatment for too many times last year. No wonder the nurse in the hospital suggested me to keep my own mask and tube for the treatment. I thought that was overrated and a bit hilarious. But I bought it anyway. Now I have my own mask+tube at home. Wow.

Finished the antibiotics and inhalation, but luck is still nowhere to be found. Am officially with no medicine now. Next step is doing a CAT scan. That's new. Okay, now am worry.

A year ago, after the flare up that infected my lungs, I had to take certain pills for almost 9 full months until last August. Nasty pills. I hate them. They were huge, ugly and made me nauseous every time. Fingers crossed, I don't have to go back to that dark time of my life..swallowing those nasty pills. So help me God.

Anyway, don't get me wrong. I do hibernate and miserable a bit..but I also do few other things. Well, I still managed to go out and hangout with friends on those rarely good day. The ones with slightly manageable cough and friendly weather with a good portion of sunshine. And yes, I still work a bit..through emails and phone. I write few stuff and read novel to entertain myself.

Okay, not much of a physical activity, I know. It's those bad days when I feel like a train-wreck. Or like just being hit by a train. Major body sores. Joint pain. Black and blue. Literally. I don't feel like doing much than just resting and control the whole universe from bed. But yea, after a good week or two, it dawned on me that doing pretty much nothing won't keep me away from the train-wreck feeling on my body.

So I decided to start exercise. Again. Well, nothing fancy like hitting the gym. Just a 30mins of light workout at home. A bit stretching here and there and some moves I remembered from workout routine at school time. Ancient, I know. First 3 days was awful. I just added more sores and pain to my body. But that was predictable right?

I keep my schedule on. And now, I think I feel better. Some sores are gone. Finally something is working. Well, it doesn't affect the cough still..but that's okay. And thank God, the weather has been pretty nice the last 3 days. I do love rain. I have a soundtrack for rainy season. But this year, the rainy season has been cruel to me. And yes, this lungs needs the sun terribly.

Every time the sun comes up in the morning, I went straight to the porch. Stretching under the sun. Or simply wandering around. And now am obsessed to keep my room look clean and sharp. I clean a lot. A lot. Just to keep myself active and sweating. Ha. Oh, I also start meditating. Okay, I don't dream to master in it and find God or the universe like in all those soul-searching stories. I just need to feel calm and relax.

Yea. Calm. I need to feel it in every cell in my body.
In breathing. thinking. living. being.

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a bowl of something good

2012-01-09T19:10:00.001+07:00

I hope you noticed something different. Yes, it's new. The blog's name.
Why do I change it? It's about time I guess.

It all started with Mr. Anthony Bourdain. He's the famous author/chef/food traveler known for its infamous TV show “No Reservations”. His show is my favorite among all those culinary trip shows on TV. When it comes to food, I must say he's fearless..no holding back. He doesn't have to cook anything on his show, but he speaks the world's culinary language eloquently. You won't get any recipe or be a better cook by watching his show, but you'll get everything else. With a goosebumps. A good one.

His show is a wicked feature, left nothing but a good mix of something good. Food, people, culture and life itself. And coincidentally (maybe not), he is the man with deep and abundant passion for Asian cuisines. Blessed him. And he's famous for that by the way. He knows Asian food too well and enjoy it like the locals do. That of course includes the street food and the king of fruit: durian (not for the fainted-heart).

So, life has been tough on me these past 2 weeks. The crazy flu and lungs problem hit me hard again just like the old time. Yea, I do feel defeated a bit. Then I watched an episode of No Reservations. It was all about the Street Food. Okay, it has some Mexican street food and American junk food in it, but of course..Asian street food dominated the show. All those hot and spicy noodles, laksa, pho, you name it. My kind of comfort food.

Then he came with these lines.
A bowl of something good. Created from decades of trial and error. The perfect bowl of something good. A hope. A reason to move on.

-----

A plate of patience.
An ounce of friendship.
Two drops of tears.
A tablespoon of heartbroken.
A teaspoon of bitterness.
A pinch of rainbow.
A cube of fearless.
And a lot of laugh as you like.

A bowl of something good. Consists of goodness and not so good things. You'll taste all the elements inside, but when it's served hot and spicy stirred in a good-sized bowl..it's just good.
A hope. A reason to move on..when you're feeling defeated.

Enjoy.

container store

2012-01-09T18:57:00.000+07:00

“There is something undeniably comforting about the Container Store. If only our lives were so easily contained.” (Eric Weiner)

I know a thing or two about container store. And yes, I believe comforting is one of them. Not the store. The store itself usually brings excitement to me. But yes, when you make your way through the crowded aisles, touch and examine all those storage and containers, you heart start to smile. A comfort smile. It's indeed comforting to think how you can keep all your important and not-so-important stuff inside them.

So, for a good couple of months prior to my big move-out, I checked in to some sort of container stores. Specifically looking for...containers. I was determined to get as much as good containers I could get to stuff all my knick knacks inside so I could cramp all of them to my new tiny room. To my comfort, I think I quite nailed it. Now I have pretty much a clear vision about everything I have and where they are. And indeed comforting to know you can fit everything in. Some are still seen by the eyes, some are comfortably hidden. Yes, at some point some things are better left unseen yet you know you still hold them dearly.

No one can say it better than Mr. Weiner.
If only our lives were so easily contained.
You can keep all you want. All you need. The way you want it to.
Childhood laughs in top drawer. Friends inside safety box behind the painting. The love of your life close to you on the nightstand.
All safe. Within your reach. No slipping away. No goodbyes.

If only.

makan apa

2011-12-02T19:31:00.000+07:00

I do believe in happy & comfort food. Kira-kira begitulah tagline saya. So, jalan kemana pun yang pertama terpikir adalah "makan apa sekarang?"

Tapi ternyata perjalanan kemarin ke negara tetangga Singapura membawa saya selangkah, bahkan beberapa langkah di depan. Adalah kami berempat yang dengan semangat liburan menggebu mengawali perjalanan kami dengan bermalam (tepatnya agak terlunta-lunta) di airport yang sialnya di budget terminal Changi. Alhasil, tak banyak yang bisa kami lakukan, karena suasana terminal yang juga sepi dan tak semeriah terminal lain di Changi yang serba gemerlap macam mal.

Dilanda kantuk amat sangat dan tubuh yang lumayan capek, satu-satunya cara yang terpikir adalah nongkrong di restoran yang ada. Singkat cerita, belum juga keluar dari area bandara, kami sudah menghabiskan waktu sekitar 6 jam dengan menyantap makanan yang lumayan gak kira-kira deh.

Macam efek domino, setelah kejadian malam itu, hobi makan banyak dan sering melanda kami sepanjang 4 hari di sana. Tak hanya rajin ngunyah, gong-nya adalah..saat duduk di sebuah restoran menyambut datangnya pesanan makan siang kami, seorang teman langsung semangat nanya "Jadi makan apa kita nanti sore?"

Jadi begitulah kami, berpindah dari satu restoran ke restoran lain dengan semangat lumayan membabi buta. Saya yang kebagian memegang uang kebersamaan tentunya anti melihat lagi semua bon itu setelah membayar. Daripada sakit kepala?

Dibilang wisata kuliner rasanya agak kurang pas, karena secara kolektif kami tak punya aturan harus mencoba makanan khas atau favorit orang lokal (walaupun saya tetep usaha sesekali). Yang penting keisi dan enak. Berlindung di balik alasan banyaknya energi yang terkuras karena banyak jalan kaki, naik turun bis, dan keluar masuk stasiun MRT yang memang bikin kaki menuju copot. Begitulah kiranya perjalanan saya kali ini.

"Jadi, makan apa kita sekarang?"

i.r.i

2011-12-01T19:29:00.004+07:00

Oke, sesekali dalam hidup yang namanya iri pasti tidak terelakkan. Walaupun orang-orang Swiss percaya sekali iri (envy) adalah salah satu musuh besar kebahagiaan (happiness) tapi boleh lah ya saya iri sekali-kali.

Ya, saya iri dengki sama betapa mudah, nyaman dan amannya transportasi publik di Singapura. Di negara-negara Eropa mungkin lebih handal lagi, tapi ya saya belum sampe sana ya..harap maklum.

Dengan bermodalkan sepucuk eh..sebuah kartu ezlink (macam kartu abodemen) saya bebas naik turun MRT dan bis tanpa harus repot-repot bayar atau antri di loket di stasiun. Sistemnya beli kartu di stasiun dan tinggal diisi macam pulsa hape dan di-top up kalau habis. Mengingat Singapura negaranya lumayan mini, layanan MRT dan bis-nya menjangkau seluruh pelosok kota Singapura.

Gak cuma itu, kalau ditelusuri di situsnya si ezlink ini, dia pun bisa digunakan buat bayar taksi tertentu, ERP (Electronic Road Pricing) dan EPS (Electronic Parking System) utk mobil pribadi, bahkan bisa buat bayar belanjaan segala. Terpujilah!

Waktu berkunjung ke sana, sempet merhatiin juga selama di jalan, kartunya macem-macem, selain utk adult, ada juga utk senior citizen dan students. Faktor kemudahan pembayaran tentunya cuma salah satu item dalam paket layanan transportasi publik di sana. Soal sarana transportasinya jempolan dong, bedanya macam dunia dan akherat lah sama Indonesia. Bodi MRT dan bisnya baguuuss..bersih, mengkilap dan semuanya berfungsi optimal. Tapi yang mencolok juga sih kesadaran publiknya yg memang mematuhi semua peraturan yang ada. Macam gak makan, minum dan merokok di dalem, gak nyampah, memprioritaskan kursi utk yg berhak, gak ngerusak, bahkan urusan naik-turun atau masuk-keluar pun tertib bener. Khawatir denda gede mungkin, tapi kan gak ada petugas yg jagain tiap waktu, tetap aja mereka tertib.

Oh, dan satu lagi pemandangan yg saya suka selama menggunakan transportasi publik di sana. Dandanan orang-orangnya yang oke dan hits banget deh..hehe. Dari yang rapi bener, gaya bener sampe seksi bener banyak! High heels, stiletto, rok mini sampe kemben sekseh gak masalah. Gak ada yg iseng mandangin apalagi harrasing. Hal ini tentunya berlaku juga di luar angkutan publik, alias di jalan-jalan kotanya. Ini juga yang jadi salah satu alasan teman saya memilih pindah dan bekerja di sana. Pulang kantor malem-malem gak masalah, aman. Jadi inget serial-serial Jepang dan Korea, tokohnya kalau lagi galau malem-malem jalan sendirian trus nongkrong di jembatan penyebrangan atau trotoar diiringi soundtrack mengiris-iris. Sinetron Indonesia pun latah ngikutin..yg pastinya ngayal abiiisss. Kecuali rela dan ikhlas ditodong.

Iri. Saya sebagai pengguna transportasi publik iri dengki. Kapan Jakarta bisa begitu? Saya kan pengen tetep bisa dandan keren tanpa harus naik taksi dan kalau lagi gundah gulana malem-malem mandangin lampu-lampu kota di jembatan penyebrangan. Sambil diiringi lagunya Snow Patrol "Chasing Cars"..if I lay here, if I just lay here, would you lie with me and just forget the world?..atau suara ngilunya Adele "Chasing Pavements"..should I give up or should I just keep chasing pavements, even if it leads nowhere?

sakit kepala

2011-11-10T23:26:00.003+07:00

Ada banyak cara menghibur diri dari sakit kepala. Ketemu dan nongkrong sama temen sambil makan enak dan ngopi salah satu cara ampuh buat saya. Sore ini kira-kira seperti itu kejadiannya. Sesaimpainya di rumah, inget lagi sakit kepalanya. Gak kemana-mana memang, cuma terlupakan untuk beberapa waktu. Bukan hal yang aneh, saya tau. Tapi apa pernah ingat untuk disyukuri?

Selama dua minggu kemarin semua resah yang dirasa beberapa waktu belakangan ajaibnya hilang. All those restless nights. Terlewati dengan mudah dan ringan. Tapi yah begitulah, semudah datangnya, semudah itu pula hilangnya. Satu sore, resah gelisah itu kembali. Alasan yang sama. Cerita usang.

Minggu ini hampir saja genap sempurna dilalui dengan status gelisah. Tak ada semangat. Sampai muncul kabar dari seorang teman. Bukan kabar bombastis. Hanya--kalau boleh disebut hanya--kabar dia akan menemani saya menonton konser Sabtu esok. Setelah menghabiskan beberapa waktu memikirkan nasib harus sendirian nonton, tentunya kabar ini semacam peruntungan tak terduga. Ajaib, walau tak ada kaitannya, rasa resah gelisah itu tiba-tiba berkurang drastis. Meminjam skala kapasitas baterai di layar ponsel, dari penuh langsung ke 2 bar saja. Tak lama, teman yang lain mengajak nongrong malam ini. Ya itu tadi, acara nongkrong yang disertai sakit kepala.

Sekarang--di kamar sepulang nongkrong--skala resah gelisah lumayan tinggal 1 bar lagi. Tapi pusingnya balik lagi ke skala penuh.

Things are not as they seem. Our highs, our accomplishments, are not real. But neither are our setbacks, our problems. They are not real either.

Begitu kutipan dari buku Eric Weiner "The Geography of Bliss".

Mungkin benar. Tak ada yang solid wujudnya. Sedih yang solid. Bahagia yang solid. Resah yang solid. Sakit kepala yang solid. Tak ada.
Layaknya gas, kesedihan, kerisauan, kegelisahan dan apa pun namanya itu, selalu bisa disusupi tawa dan senang. Walau sesaat atau sementara. Selalu ada periode ringan di saat hati sedang berat. Begitu pun sebaliknya.
Ah, bersyukurlah karena itu.

it's..okay.

2011-11-06T20:24:00.002+07:00

"I would not have done anything differently.

All of the moments in my life, everyone I have met, every trip I have taken, every success I have enjoyed, every blunder I have made, every loss I have endured has been just right.

I'm not saying they were all good or that they happened for a reason--I don't buy that brand of pap fatalism--but they have been right. They have been...okay.

As far as revelations go, it's pretty lame, I know. Okay is not a bliss, or even happiness. Okay is not the basis for a new religion or self-help movement. Okay won't get me on Oprah.

But okay is a start, and for that I am grateful."

*Taken from Eric Weiner's "The Geography of Bliss" --end of Chapter 3: Bhutan. Happiness is a Policy

the house that built me

2011-11-01T18:58:00.007+07:00

You leave home you move on
and you do the best you can
I got lost in this old world
and forgot who I am

I thought if I could touch this place or feel it
This brokenness inside me might start healing
Out here it's like I'm someone else

I thought that maybe I could find myself
If I could walk around I swear I'll leave
Won't take nothin but a memory
From the house that built me..

--Miranda Lambert

Goodbye.

Hello there.

a battle

2011-10-25T22:02:00.005+07:00

Everyone has their own battle.
For Pat Benatar, it's pretty obvious.."Love is a battlefield"
For others; getting the job done at work, getting through the day with chronic illness or taking care of the household will most probably be THE BATTLEFIELD. Or of course the epic battle between the good and the bad in life.

Just like the most memorable battles ever written in the history of mankind, a battle can lasts in a really long period of time. A perfect one is the one where the two opponents put up a good fight along with blood, sweat and tears.

In this modern era, most battles in our life involved no guns, bombs or any sharp and deadly objects as weapons. Maybe that's what makes it even harder?
Most of the times, we have to go to the front line and fight with our mind. Something like perseverance, tenacity, patience, strong will, optimism, sanity and the likes. A good head, mind u.

Shortly, not an easy battle. Oh, don't forget the part that this is a daily battle and a really long long one.

Mine, just started yesterday.
Something happened, and my head just cleared in an instant.
I know what I have to do.
Go to a new battle. Though it's not like I need another one.
It's going to be a long and tough one.
An everyday battle.

A pat in the back for me for getting through today's battle.
As for tomorrow, is gonna be another fight.

So, what's your battle?
Whatever it is..let's put up a good fight.
And may the Force be with you.

a wish

2011-10-24T21:39:00.006+07:00

"The best thing about working with dogs is that dogs are always ready to start all over again"
(Cesar Millan - The Dog Whisperer)

I wish so do I.

You think the second time you fall, the pain won't be as hard and dreadful as the first. Well guess what? You wrong BIG time. It hurts pretty much the same. Harder and deeper in so many ways.

So, I go the same cycle all over again. I wished for a straight line. But, well..life prefers a cycle. I have all the reasons to blame myself. But as I recall, that move gave me extra baggage on my already burdened shoulder..so I decided to take other move.

Then..this afternoon, it just blurred out of my head.

"Make it stop"

I asked God to stop this particular trial on me.

I've drained my tears in the past.

Please.

Let me start all over again.

Restart.

I won't back down

2011-10-24T21:07:00.003+07:00

Well I won't back down, no I won't back down
You could stand me up at the gates of hell
But I won't back down

Gonna stand my ground, won't be turned around
And I'll keep this world from draggin' me down
Gonna stand my ground and I won't back down

Hey baby, there ain't no easy way out
Hey I will stand my ground
And I won't back down

Well I know what's right, I got just one life
In a world that keeps on pushin' me around
But I'll stand my ground and I won't back down

Hey baby there ain't no easy way out
Hey I will stand my ground
And I won't back down
No, I won't back down

-Tom Petty

.perjalanan.

2010-09-13T01:27:00.000+07:00

Tiap orang pasti punya jawaban sendiri tentang wajah Jakarta. Kalau besar dengan menonton film-filmnya Warkop, wajar kalau wajah Jakarta lekat dengan bundaran HI. Tahun 70-80an memang Jakarta seolah cuma punya 1 wajah itu. Wajah yang cantik dan terkesan “sukses”. Setidaknya di layar kaca dan layar lebar. Tak heran, saat SMP dan SMA dulu, saya punya keinginan suatu saat nanti bisa kerja di kawasan bergengsi Jakarta, alias Sudirman, Thamrin dan sekitarnya. Apa kerjanya, belum jadi soal. Dan saya termasuk beruntung karena keinginan itu terwujud. Setidaknya saya sudah merasakan berkantor di kawasan Menteng, Kuningan dan Thamrin.

Tapi selain nama kawasan yang mentereng, apa sih untungnya buat saya? Setelah dipikir-pikir, jawaban yang cukup memuaskan saya hingga kini adalah: perjalanannya. Lokasi ketiganya tak berjauhan, jadi walaupun kantornya berubah, tapi bis yang saya gunakan tetap sama. Patas AC 79 dan 46. Perjalanannya lumayan, 45-60 menit, kecuali di hari-hari luar biasa macet. Kalau pagi jangan ditanya. Naik dari Cawang selalu bisa dipastikan gak akan kebagian duduk, setidaknya sampai masuk Kuningan. Tapi perjalanan pulang jarang mengecewakan. Apalagi saat berkantor di Thamrin. Dijamin, bis selalu datang dalam keadaan cenderung kosong melompong. Saya pun langsung mengambil posisi di deretan kursi berdua, tepat di sebelah jendela.

Berbeda dengan pagi hari, perjalanan pulang selalu saya nikmati sepenuh hati. Bahkan, bisa dibilang tak ingin cepat diakhiri. Ditemani musik dari handphone atau ipod, kadang ditambah camilan coklat atau donat, saya nikmati pemandangan sepanjang jalan. Sengantuk apa pun. Pikiran melayang entah kemana. Ah, saya bebaskan saja ia. Saking tak maunya terganggu, saya selalu pastikan kostum saya tepat setiap kali harus pulang naik patas, yaitu celana panjang dan sepatu tertutup. Kenapa? Menghindari gangguan nyamuk tentunya. Ajaib memang. Melihat gedung-gedung tinggi, lampu aneka warna, jajaran billboard dan orang-orang di jalan mampu menimbulkan sensasi tenang dan ringan di hati sambil pikiran melanglang buana.

***

Malam ini, video klip “Moving On” Andien hadir di TV. Pastinya langsung menarik mata saya. Maklum, settingnya Andien jalan-jalan ke Phi-phi. Sebetulnya saya sudah lihat klip ini berkali-kali, tapi malam ini entah kenapa pas lihat bagian Andien di kapal dari Phuket menuju Phi-phi, langsung kepengeeen banget ke sana lagi. Merasakan lagi duduk di luar sambil menikmati angin nan bergemuruh dan cipratan air. Dijamin, duduk di situ selama kurang lebih 2 jam perjalanan, rambut bakal kuyup pas sampe. Tapi itu serunyaaa...

Teringat perjalanan 4 bulan lalu. Bukan, bukan apa yang saya lihat. Tapi, apa yang saya rasakan selama perjalanan. Asinnya air laut yang terasa cipratannya hingga ke bibir, deru ombak dan mesin kapal, angin dingin yang mengobati panasnya sinar matahari di kulit, dan rambut kacau balau efek mantapnya angin. Ringan. Seolah semua barang bawaan selama ini lepas tertinggal di pelabuhan. Riang pun menyeruak yang anehnya tak ada sangkut-pautnya dengan kemana kapal itu menuju.

***

Perjalanan. Pastinya ada titik keberangkatan dan tujuan. Kalau itu sebuah liburan, hampir dapat dipastikan tujuannya yang dinilai penting. Ingin cepat sampai dan ah, tentunya ambisi berburu foto diri yang mengalahkan ambisi menikmati perjalanan itu sendiri. Menjadi ringan dan riang dalam prosesnya. Menikmati perjalanan yang tak selalu mulus dengan seluruh indera. Kadang tersesat, ditipu, mabuk perjalanan, atau justru penuh keberuntungan. Rasanya, tak perlu buru-buru ingin mencapai tujuan, apalagi berpikir harus segera kembali lagi ke tempat itu di masa mendatang. Nikmati saja saat yang ada.

Begitu juga dengan perjalanan saya yang satu ini. Yang ternyata sudah saya jalani selama 29 tahun. Percayalah, saya itu gampang mabuk; laut, darat dan udara. Terbukti memang. Perjalanan panjang ini cukup memabukkan. Tapi, mau gimana lagi? Kalau mabuknya tak tertahankan..minum saja obat. Kalau lagi cerdas, sebelum mabuk, siap-siap dengan antimo. Apapun itu, dinikmati saja prosesnya. Saat ini, sekarang. Bukan saat tiba di suatu titik nanti yang entah kapan.

indian summer

2010-08-22T11:02:00.002+07:00

Hari itu saya seolah terhipnotis dengan suksesnya oleh beragam gambar dewa-dewi ini. Tak hanya hadir dalam jumlah banyak, tapi juga dalam aneka warna cerah..plus efek berputar dan entah apalah namanya yang seolah mengosongkan pikiran (ah kali ini saya tak berlebihan). Sayang, saya hanya punya foto tak bergerak (courtesy of prita.w) yang mungkin gagal menyampaikan apa yang saya rasakan. Tapi, untuk kepentingan tulisan ini...percayalah :)

Ah, tapi itu semua tak akan memberikan efek dahsyat tanpa kehadiran lagu pengiringnya; Gayatri Mantra yang dibawakan Anuradha Paudwal, sang biduan dengan suara khas penyanyi perempuan India dalam film Bollywood. Tak perlu heran, ia memang banyak menyanyikan lagu untuk film-film di negaranya itu. Kembali ke Gayatri Mantra. Ini bukan sekedar lagu, tapi sebuah mantra pemujaan dalam Hindu. Mantra itu pendek saja, tapi dinyanyikan berulang-ulang oleh sang Anuradha. Efeknya? Membuai, itu buat saya. Menenangkan mungkin juga kata yang tepat. Tak heran, mantra satu ini banyak dipraktekkan untuk kepentingan meditasi, bahkan yoga. Begitu yang saya baca.

Kembali ke hari itu. Tidak, kami bukan berada di India. Tepatnya kami ada di Batu Cave, sebuah gua besar dengan kuil-kuil Hindu di dalamnya yang sering digunakan untuk upacara keagamaan. Letaknya tak jauh dari Kualalumpur. Agak lucu memang. Selepas dari Kolkata, India dan tiba di Kualalumpur, kami justru banyak bertemu hal-hal ke-India-an. Mulai dari menikmati nasi briyani (terenak!!) tanpa direncanakan dan tentunya berkunjung ke Batu Cave serta lagi-lagi bertemu makanan dan souvenir ala India. Jadi begitulah, kami mendadak dilingkupi aura ke-India-an :)

Dan sekarang, alunan Gayatri Mantra terus berputar di kepala saya, seiring tak hentinya saya memutarkannya di komputer :D Thanks to Epel, yang menemukan video-nya di youtube dan memberikannya pada saya, Nors dan Memo. Oh, tiba-tiba saya membayangkan musim panas di India. Mendinginkan badan di dalam coffee shop sambil menyantap aneka indian pastry and sweets. My indian summer.

Ah, tak lupa diiringi alunan Gayatri Mantra dari Anuradha berikut ini..

gayatri mantra anuradha paudwal mp3 | lyrics

free music downloads | music videos | pictures

atau dengar versi panjangnya di sini..

Gayatri Mantra song from album Gayatri Mantra - Gayatri Mantra songs - Oriya - Songs, Soundtrack, Music, Lyrics, Videos and Trailers - Gayatri Mantra - SmasHits.com

backpack

2010-08-18T13:12:00.004+07:00

I USED to hate packing. Memilih, memilah dan mengatur "my stuff" ke dalam sebuah tas bukan pekerjaan sederhana. Setidaknya buat saya. Tidaklah sederhana memutuskan bagian mana dari rumah dan hidup saya yang harus dibawa dan yang mana yang terpaksa ditinggalkan.

Tapi seperti yang mereka bilang..practice makes perfect. Setelah pekerjaan terdahulu memaksa saya terlalu sering bepergian..akhirnya berkemas tak lagi jadi masalah. Walaupun begitu, ini tak berbanding lurus dengan persoalan suka atau tidak. Setidaknya, saya tak lagi membencinya.

Ini cerita tentang backpack dan perjalanan yang dilaluinya. Entah apa yang dirasakannya saat tahu ia sedang disiapkan untuk sebuah perjalanan ke negeri nun jauh nan asing. Dunia baru untuk dilihat. Perjalanan apalagi ini? Pelarian atau pencarian diri? Tak pernah bisa dipastikan hingga perjalanan itu dilakoni dan diakhiri.

Terkadang, perjalanan itu justru tak ingin diakhiri. Backpack pun teronggok lunglai di pojok kamar. Setengah kosong. Beberapa potong kaos yang masih tertinggal entah kapan dikeluarkan. Memandang kehadirannya di pojok itu seolah menimbulkan perasaan perjalanan itu masih dilakoni.

Merindu.
Beberapa hari ini itulah yang terasa.
Ah, biarkan saja ia teronggok di sana untuk sementara.
Siapa tahu, perjalanan lain akan segera dimulai.

photo by prita.w

perfect world #2

2010-08-16T10:23:00.002+07:00

"It's important in life to conclude things properly. Only then can you let go. Otherwise you are left with words you should have said but never did, and your heart is heavy with remorse. That bungled goodbye hurts me to this day. I wish so much that I'd had one last look at him in the lifeboat, that I'd provoked him a little, so that I was on his mind.."

~~Pi Patel

perfect world

2010-08-14T19:30:00.002+07:00

What would your life be in the perfect world?

Pertanyaan itu menghampiri sore ini.
Ada banyak hal yang tak bisa dilupakan..walaupun tak sedikit pula yang terlupakan dengan mudah. Sayangnya kendali itu bukan di tangan sendiri.

Hampir 4 bulan berlalu. Ingatan itu masih sering menghampiri. Tidak, bukannya saya tak berusaha melupakannya. Tapi setelah beberapa waktu, saya menyadari mungkin ingatan itu akan terus menghantui. Rasa sakit akan berlalu. Sedih akan menguap. Tapi tidak dengan ingatan.

and all the things you never ever told me,
and all the smiles that are ever gonna haunt me..
and all the wounds that are ever gonna scar me..
for all the ghosts that are never gonna catch me.
(My Chemical Romance - The Ghost of You)

What would my life be in the perfect world?
In the perfect world, you would have come..
had the guts to do something and the heart to ask me how i was..
so the pain won't hurt this much.

But this is NOT a perfect world.
In this world, i have to live with the ghost of you.

the beauty in vastness

2010-08-06T10:24:00.004+07:00

BEGITU kutipan yang saya ambil dari salah satu episode "road less travelled" di nat geo adventure. Ah, itu istilah tepat untuk menggambarkan apa yang saya rasakan.

There's something about the sky in bali during my vacation there. Simply breathtaking. Cuaca di bali yang lumayan konsisten cerah berawan membuat saya terobsesi dengan langitnya. Baguuusss sekaliii. Menikmati langitnya sambil duduk di pantai ditemani angin yang tak bisa disebut semilir..jadi hiburan andalan selama di sana. Pikiran seolah melayang..betapa kecilnya diri di antara langit luas dan lautan seolah tak bertepi. It's the beauty in vastness.

Dalam sebuah perjalanan di dalam mobil, sambil berjuang tanpa ampun menahan kantuk demi tak melewatkan hamparan pemandangan..tiba-tiba terlintas "Now I know my purpose in life..to travel!" Hoho..pemikiran yang lumayan awakening walaupun mungkin terdengar klise buat orang lain. Bukan pertama kalinya terlintas juga, tapi hari itu entah kenapa terasa sangat yakin dan gegap gempita.

Ah, mungkin agak berlebihan menganggap hidup saya akan dihabiskan untuk berpetualang..tapi setidaknya saya tahu, untuk beberapa waktu ke depan saya ingin selalu menyempatkan diri untuk berpetualang. Menjelajahi tempat-tempat baru, melihat dan meresapi cara hidup orang lain yang kadang terasa sangat asing. Menikmati saat-saat tersesat. Menikmati keindahan dalam ketakbertepian.

The beauty in vastness.

Storm Laila

2010-07-23T12:05:00.000+07:00

CYCLONIC Storm Laila is the first cyclonic storm to affect southeastern India in May since the 1990 Andhra Pradesh cyclone. The first tropical cyclone of the 2010 North Indian Ocean cyclone season, Laila developed on May 17 in the Bay of Bengal from a persistent area of convection. Strengthening as it tracked northwestward, it became a severe cyclonic storm on May 19.

The next day, Laila made landfall in Andhra Pradesh, and it later dissipated over land. It caused flooding and damage along its path. Laila is an Urdu name, meaning Night.

Source : wikipedia.org

23 Mei 2010. Sebuah headline di Kolkata Post, "Laila affected thousands of lives in India and Sri Lanka" (well, ini judul lupa-lupa inget..kira-kira begitu). Hoho...who is this Laila? pikir saya. Judul-judul lain kira-kira serupa. Kesimpulannya..Laila is coming to town..beware!

Ah, pasti bukan saya..hehe. Ternyata, seminggu sebelum saya menginjakkan kaki di Kolkata, India kedatangan badai yang namanya Storm Laila. Hoho, kebetulan? Ah, mana ada sih kebetulan di dunia ini? Kebetulan itu cuma sebuah istilah manusia untuk menggambarkan sesuatu yang tidak bisa dijelaskan akalnya.

Hari itu, 24 Mei. Kami berempat memutuskan berjalan-jalan melihat kota yang dijuluki "Old Woman's Tattoo". Petualangan menyenangkan menggunakan metro. Di tengah perjalanan, hujan plus angin kencang datang..hoho, anginnya gak maen-maen. Sampe-sampe badan terasa terdorong jauh ke depan. Seru juga, lari-lari menuju stasiun metro untuk berlindung sebelum hujan turun. Katanya siiihhh...hujan badai itu masih efek dari badai Laila...

Wah, seru juga merasakan badai yang bernama sama di negeri orang. Tentunya tanpa maksud meremehkan dampak kerusakannya yang menyebabkan korban di India dan Sri Lanka. Anyhow, it was an unforgettable experience..

late night chat

2010-07-22T18:02:00.000+07:00

SEGELAS teh vanilla hangat menemani perbincangan kami malam itu. Ya, jauh-jauh di sebuah pulau di tengah Laut Andaman itu kami berdua terlibat pembicaraan seputar..well, apalagi kalo bukan love life.

Agak lucu memang, 2 tahun lalu kami datang ke pulau itu bersama, dan kini kami kembali bersama dan sama-sama mencari sebuah penutup. Istilah saya, desperately need a closure.

So yea, begitulah..kami berdua terdampar di sebuah kafe nan nyaman hanya beberapa langkah dari hotel. Dibandingkan kafe-kafe lain di pulau itu, kafe satu ini memang beda. Tenang, cozy dan bertamukan mereka yang asik mojok dengan laptop atau mengobrol serius. Intinya, perfect place untuk 2 perempuan super galau yang lagi liburan.

Liburan yang aneh memang. Tapi hadir di waktu yang tepat. Siapa sangka? Saya pun tak menyangka 6 bulan sebelumnya, saat membeli tiket perjalanan liburan ini. Waktu itu, cuma berpikir "ah, bulan Mei masih lama betul.." Ternyata, tak ada waktu yang lebih tepat untuk berlibur selain saat itu. Dan tak ada teman seperjalanan yang lebih tepat selainnya.

Kembali ke perbincangan kami malam itu. Berjam-jam kami saling bertukar cerita. Untunglah tak ada yang mengerti bahasa kami di kafe itu, kalo iya, mungkin mereka heran kenapa 2 perempuan ini jauh-jauh berlibur ke tempat yang sangat indah untuk curhat cerita mengenaskan?

Mengenaskan, ya. Tapi juga melegakan dan menyembuhkan. Untuk pertama kalinya saya menertawai nasib saya..dan ditertawai pula tentunya. Dan pertama kali pula saya menemukan teman senasib yang mengerti sekali apa yang saya lalui. Mengutip Alice Sebold dari memoir-nya, Lucky,.."I have made contact with a planet different from the one they lived on. It was a planet where an act of violence changed your life."

Dan malam itu, di tengah semilir angin malam Pulau Phi phi, sambil ditemani segelas teh vanilla hangat..saya menemukan planet itu.

heartless

2010-07-07T17:35:00.000+07:00

"Apa iya setiap orang punya hati?"
Kalo iya, kenapa juga ada istilah "heartless"?

Beberapa malam lalu liat episode Sex and The City. Kira-kira Carrie punya pertanyaan yang sama. Ceritanya begini. Tau dong hubungan Mr Big dan Carrie yang putus nyambung jutaan kali. Kala itu, Mr Big baru aja ngejalanin operasi jantung. Satu malam, Carrie yang saat itu sedang berstatus "mantan", menginap menjaga Mr Big di apartemennya. Mungkin terbawa suasana atau entah apalah, Mr Big tiba-tiba menyatakan perasaannya sama Carrie.

Di pagi harinya..guess what..dia kembali dingin. Tepatnya kembali menjadi Mr Big. Bingung? Begitulah Carrie. So yea, dia menyimpulkan..kadang orang cenderung untuk menutup hatinya.

---

Jadi, apakah istilah "heartless" merujuk pada orang yang menutup hatinya, menolak untuk menggunakan hatinya atau memang tak punya hati? Buat saya tak jadi soal yang mana. Semuanya pas menggambarkan istilah "heartless".
Satu hal saya tahu, itu semua pilihan.

---

Hari itu pertanyaan itu saya lontarkan.
"Do u have a heart?"

"I do. Somehow I do", jawabnya.

Well, guess what? To me, you're simply heartless. Cause u choose to be one.

thank you note

2010-07-04T11:35:00.000+07:00

to whom it may concern.

Jadi inget jaman kuliah dulu, setelah berbulan-bulan berkutat ngebut menyelesaikan tugas karya akhir alias TKA, menulis lembar ucapan terima kasih seolah oase di gurun pasir. Selain penanda bahwa tugas berat itu akhirnya beres juga...lembaran itu pun layaknya ruang menjadi diri sendiri...alias kesempatan berbagi suka duka tanpa perlu dibumbui kutipan teori dan catatan kaki. Dan tentunya bisa nyolong-nyolong nulis kalimat tak baku..:)

Sayangnya, kenapa ya dalam hidup ini jarang sekali kita punya kesempatan menulis ucapan terima kasih? Kalau tak menjadi musisi yang merilis album atau penulis buku, rasanya hanya saat menulis skripsi atau TKA-lah kesempatan itu muncul. Tapi malam ini, maafkanlah saya yang bukan musisi atau penulis buku ini karena berniat membuat ucapan terima kasih. Untuk berterima kasih pada mereka yang berhak. Sesederhana itu.

Bukan, saya bukan baru saja mencetak sebuah prestasi atau meraih penghargaan prestisius..gak banget. Cuma baru melalui badai. Bukan badai yang sekedar mengacak-ngacak rambut dan bikin tubuh oleng, tapi buat saya jatuh dan tertimpa reruntuhan. Nah, di sinilah mereka hadir..dari yang "sekedar" memberikan senyum simpati nan tulus sampai yang tak hanya menawarkan tangan untuk bantu bangun, tapi juga menarik, mendorong bahkan nutupin saya di segala sisi supaya gak kena badai lagi.

Ah, mungkin terkesan dramatis. Saya memang dramatis. Tapi buat saya, tindakan mereka memang seheroik itu. Ah, saya memang beruntung. Beruntung sekali.

----
Saya tak begitu mengenalnya, cuma rajin manggilin namanya setiap lewat mejanya. Tentunya karena jail. Pagi itu, di hari pertama saya kembali ke kantor itu, dia menyapa dan bertanya..”Laila, gimana keadaan lo?” Ah, pertanyaan tulusnya sangat menenangkan. Begitu juga yang terjadi di hari pertama saya masuk kembali setelah saya sempat drop lagi. “Laila, lo udah sembuh kan?” sambutnya.

----
Dia lain lagi. Saya baru mengenalnya sebentar. Pagi itu, di hari pertama saya masuk lagi, sebuah pesan chat muncul darinya. Satu-satunya pesan chat darinya sepanjang hari itu. “Welcome back, miss u”.

----
Yang satu ini agak kurang pas disebut teman. Tapi di hari pertama itu, selepas makan siang, dia nyamperin saya. “Pa kabar mpok?” yang pertama meluncur dari mulutnya. Duduk di sebelah saya, dan ngasih saya buah (ah, saya lupa nama buah sejenis markisa itu), dibukain pula. Tak hanya satu, tapi dua. Lalu dia bercerita soal buah dari gunung itu.

Kemudian, di hari pertama selepas saya liburan, dia kembali nyamperin dan bergabung makan siang. Kali ini, dia ulurkan tangannya, “Mau salaman ah sama mpok” katanya.

----
Yang ini, sahabat lama sejak kuliah. Rasanya hampir 2 tahun gak ketemu. Tapi entah kenapa selalu menelpon menanyakan kabar di saat-saat yang pas. Termasuk hari itu. Sekedar bilang tiba-tiba keinget saya. Dari jaman kuliah dulu, ini anak emang paling sigap dan selangkah di depan yang lain. Hebat, tanpa pemberitahuan apa pun, dia sigap ngecek saya. Bahkan dengan tawaran pekerjaan menggiurkan..hoho.

----
Yang satu ini paling gokil. Teman berpetualang (halah!). Setelah 2 tahun lalu sempat liburan bareng, kini kami kembali disatukan ambisi ber-backpacking ria. Seperti saya bilang, dia gokil. Alias kejam. Cuma dia yang terus ngetawain nasib saya. Tengah malem nongkrong sambil ngeteh (vanilla tea..yummy) di kafe yang super nyaman di Phi phi, berbagi cerita seputar keputusan-keputusan bodoh yang pernah kami buat. Rasa senasib justru buat kami saling kejam satu sama lain.

----
Anak yang satu ini lucu sekali. Literally. Teman haha hihi, wisata kuliner dan teman kerja jempolan. Sayangnya saya tak sempat membagi waktu saya untuknya saat dia membutuhkan. Ah, maafkan. Tapi hari itu, dia sms saya, bilang kangen dan menuntut untuk ketemu. “Ah, gue kan maunya ketemu sama lo, bukan anak-anak yang laen”. Begitu katanya saat saya terpaksa harus membatalkan janji ketemuan. Ah, kita harus ketemu..saya punya oleh-oleh :)

----
Di luar itu, masih ada : Mereka. Kumpulan yang satu ini adalah teman-teman yang luar biasa (meminjam istilah teman saya). Selalu menanyakan dan mengecek kondisi saya. Berbondong-bondong datang ke rumah dengan segala kehebohan hanya untuk buat saya ketawa. Berkaca-kaca liat saya (ah, lo sensitif bngt sih..gue kan jadi bingung harus gimana). Nganterin saya pulang. Nemenin saya potong rambut, ngurus NPWP dan visa. Maksa-maksa makan di luar sebelum pulang hanya untuk memastikan saya makan. Maafkan sampe ada yang mimpiin saya dan gelisah banget karena tau saya pun lagi gelisah banget (tuh kan, udah gue bilang..lo sensitif bngt sih).

Dan kalau mau ditulis semua, saya yakin gak akan bisa berenti.

Ah, kalian lah yang selalu bikin saya nangis sampe detik ini. Bukan sedih. Tapi terharu dan bersyukur. Mengutip jeng Liz Gilbert di “Eat Pray Love”...saya gak akan bisa membalasnya..dan daripada frustasi mencari cara membalasnya, saya memilih mensyukuri keberadaan kalian dan harapkan yang terbaik untuk kalian.

So yea, itu doa saya.

breakeven

2010-06-21T18:42:00.000+07:00

I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing
Just prayin' to a god that I don't believe in
Cos I got time while she got freedom
Cos when a heart breaks no it don't break even

Her best days will be some of my worst
She finally met a man that's gonna put her first
While I'm wide awake she's no trouble sleeping
Cos when a heart breaks no it don't breakeven... even... no

What am I supposed to do when the best part of me was always you,
And what am I supposed to say when I'm all choked up that you're ok
I'm falling to pieces, yeah,
I'm falling to pieces

They say bad things happen for a reason
But no wise words gonna stop the bleeding
Cos she's moved on while I'm still grieving
And when a heart breaks no it don't breakeven even... no

What am I gonna to do when the best part of me was always you,
And what am I supposed to say when I'm all choked up that you're ok
I'm falling to pieces, yeah,
I'm falling to pieces, yeah,
I'm falling to pieces
(One still in love while the other ones leaving)
I'm falling to pieces
(Cos when a heart breaks no it don't breakeven)

Oh you got his heart and my heart and none of the pain
You took your suitcase, I took the blame.
Now I'm try'na make sense of what little remains ooh
Cos you left me with no love and no love to my name.

I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing
Just prayin' to a god that I don't believe in
Cos I got time while she got freedom
Cos when a heart breaks no it don't break
No it don't break
No it don't break even no

What am I gonna do when the best part of me was always you and
What am I suppose to say when I'm all choked up that you're ok
(Oh glad your okay now)
I'm falling to pieces yeah
(Oh I'm glad your okay)
I'm falling to pieces yeah
(One still in love while the other ones leaving)
I'm falling to pieces
(Cos when a heart breaks no it don't breakeven)

Oh it don't break even no

*The Script

the end

2010-06-20T19:48:00.000+07:00

to whom it may concern.

ya, akhirnya saya selesai juga baca "eat, pray, love".
saya bisa bayangin..pasti banyak yang menghela nafas sambil bilang..akhirnyaa..

ya, akhirnya.
dari buku itu belum muncul di oprah sampe akhirnya filmnya udah mau keluar.
setelah sekian tahun dan sekian lama terhenti di awal bab "love".
saya pun sempat gemas, apalagi saat tahu saya pun gagal menyelesaikannya walaupun buku itu ikut menemani perjalanan panjang kemarin.

yakinlah, beberapa orang mungkin sudah bosan mendengar beragam alasan saya
semisal "bagian menarik sudah di awal, jadi males nerusin"
ya, wajar saja...keindahan italia dan wisata kulinernya jelas lebih mudah menarik saya dibandingkan bali--maaf, bukan maksud merendahkan--hanya saja sudah pernah saya kunjungi.

tapi kini saya mengerti.
jangan pernah bosan mendengar bahwa segala sesuatu ada waktunya.
dan saya tidak bisa memikirkan waktu yang lebih tepat selain saat ini untuk menyelesaikan buku itu.
ya, hari ini.
saya mengerti.
bagian akhir buku itu tak lagi sekedar jendela untuk menikmati pemandangan dan petualangan, tapi menjadi bagian terpenting.

saya mengerti.
bukan, bukan karena liz gilbert sang penulis berulang tahun sehari setelah saya.
tapi karena saya merasakan apa yang dirasakannya.
saya melewati apa yang dilewatinya.
dan bagian itu seolah penutup tak hanya untuk bukunya, tapi untuk buku saya.
sekarang saya mengerti.

dan akhirnya saya hanya berharap "my older, stronger and wiser version of me" sedang menanti saya di suatu pulau tropis sana..just like liz :)

menimbang-nimbang

2010-06-07T19:23:00.001+07:00

kurang pertimbangan salah.
kebanyakan pertimbangan juga salah.
kondisi pertama jelas karena bisa jadi keputusan yang diambil bukan pilihan terbaik.
kondisi kedua karena tak berujung pada sebuah keputusan.

kemarin terasa sudah sampai pada sebuah keputusan.
namun hari ini kembali menimbang-nimbang pilihan-pilihan yang ada.
ah, capek.
andaikan bisa menggunakan konsep belanja baju.
ambil satu, bayar dan jangan liat-liat lagi yang lain.

ah, ingin segera memutuskan.

afternoon note

2010-06-04T18:47:00.000+07:00

bosan.
suram.
mendengarkan pearl and the puppets untuk mengusir mereka.
menyenangkan.

pengen jalan-jalan lagi..
merasakan lagi keanehan berada di daerah asing,
melihat dan merasakan kebiasaan mereka yang berbeda dan terasa 'aneh',
dan tentunya merasakan lagi saat-saat gak tahu harus kemana karena keuangan mulai menipis tiris dan mulai menyerah mencoba berkomunikasi dengan orang setempat.

kangen.

..day 1

2010-05-17T21:39:00.000+07:00

selalu ada yang pertama.
termasuk bepergian jauh ke negeri orang sendirian.
setelah dengan gak kerennya sempet kelaperan karena telat makan dan akhirnya mabok di jalan--sekali lagi, gak keren banget--sukses juga nyampe pantai..
diawali insiden ketinggalan cincin di mcD--yea, sindrom lupa itu setia menemani--akhirnya memutuskan jalan ke pantai.

sunset terlewat karena urusan mata lelah dan perut lapar lebih penting.
tapi tetep aja, sukses terdiam liatin laut 1 1/2 jam. sendirian.
yea, well..tentunya kehadiran beberapa turis yang cuma keliatan sosok-sosok gelapnya itu gak diitung.

judulnya liburan. tapi kenapa rasa itu ikut-ikutan ke sini? tanpa tiket dan tanpa izin yang punya, dia memutuskan ikut menemani liburan.
ah, kenapa dia harus hadir lagi sekarang? dan kenapa di sini? padahal ada ribuan kilometer yang terbentang.

udah ya. sampe sini aja. jangan ikut lagi. saya capek.
terlalu capek.

-patong beach, phuket

dodol...

2009-06-09T19:17:00.000+07:00

What do u call someone who consciously repeating the same mistakes over and over again?

Untuk keperluan tulisan ini kita tulis saja dodol.Tentunya ada banyak istilah di luar sana yg lebih tepat dan lebih nendang utk menjawabnya...tapi buat gue dodol pun sepertinya cukup pas. Entah kenapa istilah ini terasa sudah mencakup kebodohan, ke-keraskepala-an dan ketidakpedulian terhadap diri sendiri...

Ya, saat ini gue seringkali menyebut diri dodol...dodol banget bahkan. Entah pentium-nya yg ngadat, atau memang menikmati setiap kebodohan yg terjadi.
Yang pasti gue tau ini harus diakhiri...tapi kok ya niat itu seolah menguap begitu saja saat seharusnya dilakukan...

Seperti prajurit yang kalah sebelum berperang, niat yang sudah dibawa dari rumah hilang entah kemana disaat diperlukan..mungkin juga otak ini secara sadar men-sabotase-nya...entahlah..
Apakah harus hadir yang lain dulu untuk bisa merealisasikan niat menghentikan ke-dodol-an ini?
Ah, kalau begitu pertanyaan selanjutnya adalah dimanakah yang lain itu berada?

make you feel my love

2009-05-12T11:44:00.000+07:00

by adele

When the rain is blowing in your face
and the whole world is on your case
I could offer you a warm embrace
to make you feel my love..

when the evening shadows and the stars appear
and there is no one there to dry your tears
I could hold you for a million years
to make you feel my love..

I know you haven't made your mind up yet
but I would never do you wrong
I've known it from the moment that we met
no doubt in my mind where you belong

I'd go hungry, I'd go black and blue
I'd go crawling down the avenue
no, there's nothing that I wouldn't do
to make you feel my love..

the storms are raging on the rolling sea
and on the highway of regret
though winds of change are throwing wild and free
you ain't seen nothing like me yet

I could make you happy, make your dreams come true
nothing that I wouldn't do
go to the ends of the Earth for you
to make you feel my love....

gravity

2009-05-04T10:32:00.000+07:00

by sara bareilles

Something always brings me back to you
It never takes too long
No matter what I say or do
I'll still feel you here 'til the moment I'm gone

You hold me without touch
You keep me without chains
I never wanted anything so much
than to drown in your love and not feel your rain

Set me free, leave me be.
I don't want to fall another moment into your gravity
Here I am and I stand so tall,
just the way I'm supposed to be
But you're on to me and all over me

You loved me 'cause I'm fragile
When I thought that I was strong
But you touch me for a little while
and all my fragile strength is gone

Set me free, leave me be
I don't want to fall another moment into your gravity
Here I am and I stand so tall,
just the way I'm supposed to be
But you're on to me and all over me

I live here on my knees
as I try to make you see that you're everything
I think I need here on the ground
But you're neither friend nor foe
though I can't seem to let you go
The one thing that I still know is that you're keeping me down...

enough. period

2009-04-15T12:34:00.000+07:00

When I asked God to keep me away from him, God lets him pushes me away..
God even reveals his true color to me..
which (should I say fortunately?) makes me hate him even more...

Hatred...I know that's bad,
but somehow it gave me new perspective..
a way to see him objectively..
it's hard I know, but somehow God made the whole situation a lot easier for me..

he has this ego overshadowed even the highest mountain in the world
he's hard like the hardest rock in rocky mountain
he enjoys the company of himself more than anything
and I just can't seem to be in his life whatsoever..

.....

2009-04-08T21:51:00.000+07:00

kok jadi bingung begini...aneh..aneh..
ironis banget yaa...

sudahlah, gak perlu berpusing-pusing ria..
bukan saat yang tepat untuk jadi drama queen...
atau lebih tepat, sudah bukan waktunya lagi..

gak penting ah...toh, ini sudah berlangsung lama,
bukan berarti segala sesuatunya baik dan mulus,
tapi toh diri ini sudah terlalu lama ditempa untuk terbiasa..
dan memang mau tak mau harus terbiasa...

they say some things are better left unsaid..
i guess they're right.

in your eyes I'd like to stay...

2009-03-19T09:45:00.000+07:00

Thinking of You
(Katy Perry)

Comparisons are easily done
Once you've had a taste of perfection
Like an apple hanging from a tree
I picked the ripest one
I still got the seed

You said move on
Where do I go
I guess second best
Is all I will know

Cause when I'm with him
I am thinking of you
Thinking of you
What you would do if
You were the one
Who was spending the night
Oh I wish that I
Was looking into your eyes

You're like an Indian summer
In the middle of winter
Like a hard candy
With a surprise center
How do I get better
Once I've had the best
You said there's
Tons of fish in the water
So the waters I will test

He kissed my lips
I taste your mouth
He pulled me in
I was disgusted with myself

Cause when I'm with him
I am thinking of you
Thinking of you
What you would do if
You were the one
Who was spending the night
Oh I wish that I
Was looking into...

You're the best
And yes I do regret
How I could let myself
Let you go
Now the lesson's learned
I touched it I was burned
Oh I think you should know

Cause when I'm with him
I am thinking of you
Thinking of you
What you would do if
You were the one
Who was spending the night
Oh I wish that I
Was looking into your eyes
Looking into your eyes
Looking into your eyes
Oh won't you walk through
And bust in the door
And take me away
Oh no more mistakes
Cause in your eyes I'd like to stay...

here I am...

2009-03-09T13:15:00.000+07:00

"Depending on how you take these words that paraphrasing this relationship we're staging..."

--Jason Mraz, A Beautiful Mess

Here we are, or should I say..here I am...still looking at you but at different angle..
I know I couldn't run or hide from you...so I simply (trust me, it's just an expression...it wasn't near simple at all!) took a couple step aside to find a better and more sensible (Ha!) point of view..

It's so much better from where I stand right now...you're still the same person..full of contradictions,
but somehow I can see through those layers and I found a little me in you...
hearing your stories somehow reminds me of...me...
Then it hit me! I finally have a different perspective about us...
You're still my favorite...but now it's officially ONE of many favorite people that I trust and share stories with.

It started as so-called a beautiful mess...
my guilty pleasure...
and now...
well, I still find it hard to compromise with this new feeling, but I'm eager to keep you and me at this stage...:)

just a short note after what had happened...

2009-02-27T16:28:00.000+07:00

It's been like a roller coaster this past month.
Antara sadar dan tidak sadar, antara menjejak tanah dan melayang entah dimana.
Entahlah, mungkin memang harus melewati itu semua untuk sampai ke titik ini...tepatnya kembali ke titik ini. Setelah sebelumnya --harus diakui dengan berat hati-- sempat melenceng dari titik itu.

Never been in that state of emotion before...
Never thought in a million years had to get through those moments...
At the end of the day....only prayers, patience and family/friends that kept my spirit alive...
Thank God,
and thanks all...you know who you are....

I hate this part right here...

2009-01-22T10:38:00.000+07:00

Satu hal yang paling mengganggu....saat berkemas-kemas pulang....
I hate that part....
Tahu kemana dia akan beranjak...halaahhhh....
Sudahlah....

"I know this is the part where the end starts..."

bener-bener deh

2009-01-16T11:54:00.000+07:00

Duh duh...bener-bener deh...
Bagaimana cara menghentikannya?
Sampe detik ini settingan mood masih "when i'm thinking about you" dan "need to be next to you"....Damn!!
Dia terlalu mudah dibaca...halah! Like an open book...jadi makin susah berentinya :p
well, enough is enough...gini nih, jadi orang kenapa juga mesti suka tantangan...(self-talking mode)

harus diakhiri...

2009-01-15T22:15:00.000+07:00

Makanya...jangan main api kalo gak mau kebakar...
itu kata orang-orang..

Yah, sepertinya gw sedang terjebak permainan sendiri. Gak ada niat utk bermain-main juga...tapi ternyata....dia yg mulai duluan. Mereka yg mengenal gw pasti tau...yg kayak gini nih yg gw suka..huehehehheheee...

Dalam beberapa hari udah berasa nih efeknya. Sepertinya biar bagaimana pun boys will be boys yaa...
Tapi kok gw yg keterusan ya...padahal faktanya sih gak mungkin, gak bisa dan gak boleh.
Ayo ayo...ini semua harus diakhiri! Paling gak, otak gw harus mengakhiri memikirkan yg aneh2...:p
Hiks...sial!!!

cluttered mind

2008-08-27T14:40:00.000+07:00

Beberapa waktu ke belakang, seorang rekan--yang entah kenapa mengaku sangat tertarik untuk menyelami karakter gw, yg katanya ajaib dan unik...halah...--bilang bahwa problem terbesar gw adalah "I have such a cluttered mind"!

Diagnosis lebih lanjut: gw cenderung menyimpan dan terus mengingat-ingat hal2 di masa lalu, termasuk good/bad experience & things about people. Yang mana pada akhirnya membuat gw terlalu sering menganalisis sesuatu, membahas sesuatu, membuat sesuatu jadi lebih rumit dan susah utk move on...halah lagi!

Beberapa hal udh lumayan sering gw denger. Ada yg pernah bilang gw terlalu suka membahas sesuatu panjang lebar en luas, sering menyimpan perasaan sendiri, hard to forgive n forget, dan seterusnya....

Tapi memang belum pernah ada yg menyimpulkan semua gejala itu sebagai sebuah sindrom "cluttered mind"....keren juga...hmmm.....

Kalo dipikir-pikir, semuanya masuk akal juga. Saking penuh dan rusuhnya memori gw, gw memang cenderung sering lupa hal-hal sekarang. Small stuff, tapi suka bikin orang laen kesel juga...secara sering bngt gw lupa hal2 yg baru kejadian minggu lalu....heheheheee...

Okay, so now that I know all the mess inside my head, sepertinya gw membutuhkan waktu utk menyortir semuanya. Buang yg gak perlu, simpen yg penting2 aja. Ya ya...sepertinya gampang. But you know me, agak susah yaaaaaaaa.............heheheheee..........

it's been lovely

2008-07-12T23:55:00.000+07:00

I'll be true, I'll be useful...
I'll be cavalier...I'll be yours my dear
and I'll belong to you...
if you'll just let me through...

(Dashboard Confessional - As Lovers Go)

what a journey

2008-05-08T13:16:00.000+07:00

AKHIRNYA nyampe juga di sini :)

Diawali dengan niat yg hanya setengah hati...alhamdulillah, semuanya lancar, aman, damai dan sejahtera. Agak keterlaluan memang...mengingat fakta mungkin ada beribu-ribu orang di luar sana yg membulatkan niat dan tekad untuk pergi ke tanah suci tapi belom kesampean juga, gue malah memulai perjalanan dengan perasaan setengah-setengah. Untunglah, semuanya berubah 180 derajat saat sampai di sana. Trust me, you'll get goosebumps - in a good way of course - saat menjejakkan kaki di sana...taelah :p

Terlalu banyak hal yang didapat...terkadang agak susah untuk diceritakan kembali. Gue cuma bisa bilang ke temen-temen gue "Lo harus datang dan ngerasain sendiri!" Gak ada dua-nya!!!

This is me with the girls. Luckily, my group is so cool..hehe...they're just fun and nice! Gak banyak waktu utk hang out bareng tentunya...tapi memang bukan itu yg dicari. Rasanya waktu gk pernah cukup. Satu hal yg kepikiran pas di sana....kenapa ya orang Indonesia yg ke sana kebanyakan orang tua? Kalo diliat, mayoritas umat dari negara2 lain yang dateng adalah orang-orang muda, keluarga muda...mereka yang masih kuat dan semangat untuk beribadah. Trust me, kalo mau memaksimalkan ibadah di sana, butuh tenaga dan stamina maksimal. Agak ironis memang. Termasuk gue. Saat baru masuk periode bekerja dan menghasilkan uang sendiri, yg jadi ambisi adalah travelling ke Eropa (me : napak tilas ke stadion2 besar sepak bola di Eropa dan Amerika Latin sana). Sekarang, gue rubah dikit. Perbanyak agenda spiritual travelling aja...hehe. I'm a thirsty spiritual traveller - seperti usulan temen gue :)

well done!

2008-03-28T10:25:00.000+07:00

Hei..hei...i'm back with the sport news! :)

Satu hal yang sangat gue syukuri dari TV cable adalah keberadaan siaran langsung tenis yang amat sangat konsisten! Gak kayak TV swasta kita yang nayangin kalo lagi pengen aja.
Eniwei, ini sedikit recap dari ajang Pacific Life Open yang baru aja selesai digelar wiken kemarin. Cukup 1 kalimat :

"A clean sweep for Serb Rising Stars!"

Ajang pembuktian duet maut (halah..:p) Serbia Novak Djokovic & Ana Ivanovic. Mereka masing-masing berjaya jadi yang terbaik di Indian Wells, AS.
Novak mengkandaskan harapan tuan rumah, Mardy Fish, sang pembunuh raksasa yang mengalahkan The Roger Federer, Nikolay Davydenko, David Nalbandian & Lleyton Hewitt.
Awalnya gue tidak terlalu antusias dengan Novak Djokovic, tapi setelah dia menang di grand slam pembuka Australian Open 2008, gue mulai mengidolakan. And he's still 21 year old.

Btw, my favorite moment di final adalah saat di game awal set ke-3. Mardy Fish lagi unggul triple break point, dan Djokovic berhasil membuat 3 ace berturut-turut untuk menyelesaikan game. That was awesome!
Setelah itu, semuanya mulus sampai set selesai dengan keunggulan 6-3 buat Djokovic.
Oia, ada satu moment juga dimana raketnya sempet terlempar di tengah-tengah reli yang seru banget. At that time, posisinya sebetulnya agak terpojok karena Fish lagi nyerang di depan, but miraculously dia berhasil survived dan menangin point. That was really fun to watch!!
So, mulai sekarang gue menjagokan dia di ajang2 selanjutnya bersama Rafael Nadal tentunya.

Di bagian putri, setali tiga uang. Bintang muda Serbia Ana Ivanovic akhirnya menang. Sebetulnya di antara 2 rising star Serbia, gue lebih menjagokan Jelena Jankovic. I don't know why, tapi menurut gw Jelena lebih menarik ditonton karena karakternya yang lebih rileks dan apa adanya dibandingkan Ana. Walaupun banyak yg lebih memfavoritkan Ana karena she's the prettier one. well, siapa yg bisa disalahkan? hehee...
Di turnamen ini harus diakui, dia jauh lebih kuat dibandingkan rival senegaranya, Jelena. It was phenomenal, 3 petenis kebanggaan Serbia menguasai semifinal Pacific Life Open di tunggal putra & putri. Dan 2 di antaranya berhasil jadi juara pula!!
Well, it gets more interesting from now on. Mari, mari! Kita nantikan ajang akbar tenis berikutnya!!!!

a day with a stupid guy...

2008-03-20T03:25:00.000+07:00

A stupid guy mocked a smart guy
the stupid guy claimed "I know everything"
he accused the smart guy has no vision at all and laughed at him

well, I laughed at you hey stupid guy. To disrespect one whom you asked for help is just a finalization of your stupidity. I congrat you for that. Well done!

???

2008-01-31T23:03:00.000+07:00

"When in doubt, tell the truth."
Mark Twain (1835-1910)

I have so much doubts...should I tell the truth??

Cool stuff from The 2007 American Music Awards

2007-12-07T10:32:00.000+07:00

miss beyonce knowles & sugarland
comment : she's absolutely irreplaceable

miss alicia keys
comment : isn't she amazingly talented?

miss mary j. blige
comment : yes, she's just so fine

what's wrong with the world??

2007-10-25T08:00:00.000+07:00

What's wrong with everybody? I think I'm perfectly fine with me right now (well, almost). I know I still have one issue, the issue...yeah yeah. But it doesn't like the world will end tommorrow. Give me a break will you?!
It's not like I'm not worry myself...I am. Since a couple of years ago infact. But still, I don't need the whole family and some close relatives to talk about it and make it such a big issue. That's what I call a full pressure (I have enough from my job, yes thank you very much).

I'm really sorry that I've caused you such difficulty because of the previous event.
But don't worry, I'll work something out. I know I will. It's a jungle here, but I'll find my way out.
Wish me luck!

look at us

2007-10-09T09:33:00.000+07:00

DUA menghilang...ayo..ayo...siapa mau datang ke sini?

such a nice weekend

2007-03-05T20:00:00.001+07:00

image : Mark King (bass, lead vocal) & Mike Lindup (keyboard, vocal); the frontmen of Level 42

How's your weekend?
mine was great!
finally I got the chance to watch Level 42 live!!
two thumbs up! I just love them...:)

I couldn't recall exactly why I didn't watch their live performance at Jakarta back in 2003. But it was such a regret. Thank God they came back here at the 2007 Java Jazz Fest.
I was blown away by their performance...they sounded just like in their records. Wait, let me correct myself....it sounded better!

They performed 12-13 of their songs, most of them are their hits back in the 80's; such as Love Games, Lessons in Love, Hot Water, Running in The Family, Forever Now, The Sun Goes Down, Leaving Me Now, Something About You and To Be With You Again...nice :)
By the way...have I mentioned that I also get Mike Lindup's autograph??
Yupp!! I was so lucky to be back to JJF the next day and found myself stand side by side with Mike Lindup at the Ron Carter's show! That's what I call a nice weekend :)

chat over coffee

2007-02-07T10:36:00.000+07:00

That's all we have. Wait...no. That is all I have.
It was always nice...though sometimes I feel that was because the coffee. Things get really nice when you have them with a fine cup of coffee in a comfortable place.
Things change, though the ones I wished to change remain the same.
Well....you can never have everything you want rite?!
Maybe mine is just that 'chat over coffee'. I guess I don't mind with that. It was always nice to me.

sedikit narciss

2007-02-03T10:19:00.000+07:00

stands out among the crowd

2007-02-03T09:21:00.000+07:00

Now, this is the launch.
My team have prepared this event since 4 months ago. Stressful? absolutely, undeniably yes!!!
But, it paid off :)

do you C what we C?

2007-02-03T09:01:00.000+07:00

This is our billboard teaser.
The creative guys came up with this catchy tagline "Do You C What We C?"

Now, this is our mobile teaser. Kind of cool idea huh?
We put the car inside the box and we took some ride around Jakarta.
I was inside the yellow jazz by the way :)

forgetful lucy

2007-01-20T13:35:00.000+07:00

remember the movie "50 first dates?"
Drew Barrymore's character "forgetful lucy" somehow just popped into my head two days ago.

two days ago :
another hot day. another unexpected encounter with him.
but I just had no chance to even say "hi"...
to tell the truth, I had no idea whether he realized we're in the same place at that time..
my head told me not to come near him....it's a girl thing....don't want to make the first move...:p
so, there I was....some feet away from him....insisted not to even look at him

-------

today :
another hot hot day.
another encounter...yes. please bear with me...it's still another story of that person..
this time I was completely aware that I was going to meet him....
we had a little chat....just a little...not too much.

-------

forgetful lucy.
remember the time when lucy decided to let go adam sandler character and move on with her life alone?
well...she is forgetful because of the so-called "short term memory loss" syndrome,
so...as we all know....she did manage to forget her relationship with adam sandler,
but somehow....the guy still lives in her unconsciousness....
she doesn't know why, but she has this vision of a guy whom she doesn't even know by name
and she can feel that this guy is somehow someone important for her...though she can't remember why, when and how

-------

forgetful me.
I have made a pact with myself....stop wanting and stop thinking about wanting the thing I cannot have...
want and need are the seeds of pain when they cannot be fulfilled...
so, I have managed to forget about him...
managed to forget about my 'me-wanting-him'...

just because one unexpected encounter, my heart suddenly tickled
telling me that I have not completely free from the thought of him...
glad it was just a tickle....
but that was enough to tell me that i might have a "forgetful lucy" symptom...

@bali..

2006-11-30T09:17:00.000+07:00

Sekelumit gambar perjalanan ke Bali beberapa waktu lalu. Gak sempet menikmati suasana memang, but it was okay. It's not like you can go to Bali everyday. And of course, it's not like you can be at Bali and work at the same time...

just a simple life...

2006-11-30T06:50:00.000+07:00

These past two weeks was like roller coaster to me.
I've had my moments...yes. They say life is full of ups and downs, well...I've had it all on that two weeks.
I don't know why it turned out to be like this.
When I try to run and forget, motherearth and the whole nature decided not to let me run..
but right when I celebrated my luck....when all the feelings started to fill me...
Boom!
I hit the ground.
The fact slapped me on the face.
Yup, faith or whatever it is...seems to have such a great time playing with my life.
One second I'm on heaven, the next one I'm at the deepest hole on ground..

Patience.

That's the only thing I wished for right now.

I woke up this morning, realized that there's only a sheer line between happines and sadness.
You are happy when you choose to be happy..
you are sad when you decided to be sad.
So, today...I choose to have my life back.

My simple life.

The one without you in it :)

a shade of blue...

2006-11-29T06:17:00.001+07:00

a lifetime waiting for a light to shine
suddenly you are here, like an angel appeared
and the world that I knew changed into a wonderland
then you called out my name,
looked around then I found you were gone
like the rays of the sun, dissapeared into never ending nights...

where everything real has turned to stone
and the songbird has flown (you're gone)
now I know a rose can change a shade of blue
ooh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
a shade of blue

my body's hurting, crying and yearning
sometimes I feel like I'm losing my mind
and I think about you, knowing only you could understand
here alone in my room, I can feel all the walls closing in
feeling trapped in a shell, wishing that I could spin the wheels of change

**sung by incognito

...just exactly how I feel at this moment

where was that coming from?

2006-11-04T10:58:00.000+07:00

what was I thinking?
where was that guts coming from anyway?
I have no....idea.

That was surely something I wouldn't do occasionally. In fact, that was my first time.
How come? Gee..that's the big question.
But I did it anyway.

How did it turn out?
Well...I guess I'm happy enough with current situation.
What more can I ask for?

Hmm...I'm not ungrateful person...
So, thank you God for letting me enjoy my moment today....

my guilty pleasure...

2006-11-02T06:17:00.000+07:00

my heart keeps pounding ever since that night...thanks to him (I'm not exactly thanking him of course, it's just an opposite expression)
Reminding me of that Alanis song, "Ironic"...
really ironic indeed. To face the fact which is painful....(yup, it is) with our increasing conversation which inevitably resulting in me longing for him (fuuhhh...)
know that I just can't and shouldn't wholeheartedly enjoy the moment.

Guess...i'm having such a good time with my guilty pleasure huh?!

"nyerah deh..."

2006-09-28T06:24:00.000+07:00

....pikirnya.

"Sekarang aku benar-benar merindu..."

Then he called me by name.

"Duh, kenapa sih dia harus nice and friendly as always?!" pikirnya lagi.

"Kini aku ingin cepat-cepat bertemu lagi..."

waiting in (no) vain

2006-09-15T13:58:00.000+07:00

and I will wait to find
if this will last forever
and I will wait to find
that it won't and it won't
because it won't
and I will waste no time
worried 'bout no rainy weather
and I will waste no time
remaining in our lives together........

John Mayer - Clarity

Music Code provided by Song2Play.Com

Fiuhhh....

2006-09-15T13:35:00.000+07:00

KESEMPATAN pertama ya cuma datang sekali. If you succeed, you're saved! Everybody's happy. Period. If you screwed up, you'll simply be remembered for the rest of your life!
I may not be great at my first chance, but at least I'm glad I didn't screw up...

*Thanks guys!

why not?

2006-09-13T09:43:00.000+07:00

They say life is hard. For me, it's fairly true.
Sometimes, it's simply not easy. Other times, it's really really not easy.
But hey, don't get me wrong.
I don't want to take this too seriously...but I guess, I just wanna enjoy the moment.
So, shoot me :p

"and I close my eyes, now I'll never never wake..
why should I stop thinking about you...."

The Sundays - When I'm Thinking About You

Music Code provided by Song2Play.Com

my perfect moment

2006-09-11T13:54:00.000+07:00

one sunny afternoon...
just standing under the tree, waiting, hiding from the great sun that shines so brightly..
too bright indeed.
feels the wind slighly played with my hair.

then,
I just staring at his back..
standing not very far in front of me.
doing what he's doing best..taking pictures of those adrenalyne-raiser actions..
not knowing me staring at him on that 20-minute..

me,
enjoying what's in front of me through that dark mirror of sun glasses,
hoping none of them there aware..

Gee,
never realized watching him from a distance like that could be....
simply my perfect moment that day....*

*It's really nice to see you again you know..:)

Malam...

2006-08-29T12:58:00.000+07:00

mungkin adalah waktu yang paling gw nikmati
saat yang lain udah siap2 ke peraduan, gue justru merasakan periode waktu yang tepat untuk diri sendiri..
Just stay at my room, watch tv, listen to my playlist, read books, write blog, or just daydreaming about good ol' memories back at school.
I just love nights...
Saat2 dimana gw bisa mencurahkan segala sesuatunya hanya untuk gw seorang..
menikmati setiap perasaan dan pikiran yang bicara..
Just enjoying myself...

On My Playlist :
(currently played over and over)
Craig David - Unbelievable
Annie Lennox - Waiting in Vain
Jason Mraz - You and I (both)

17an..

2006-08-18T21:09:00.000+07:00

Apa sih makna 17 Agustus-an buat gue?
Hal pertama yg terlintas di kepala gue pasti macet! Well, berhubung rumah gue terletak di suatu lokasi yang entah kenapa dianggap sangat strategis buat acara lomba panjat pinang....so, udah pasti dari tahun ke tahun sepanjang jalan di depan rumah gue itu selalu hiruk pikuk dan macet beratz!!
Segala ritual upacara dan lomba-lomba itu kayaknya gak pernah berarti banyak lagi buat gue, secara gue juga gak pernah terlibat secara aktif maupun pasif sejak lulus sekolah.
Tapi tahun ini, entah kenapa tau2 gue kepengen nonton siaran langsung upacara detik2 proklamasi di istana negara..lewat tv tentunya. Pengen liat paskibrakanya entah kenapa.
And u know what?
I found it very interesting and entertaining. Khususnya pas bagian hiburan lagu2 kebangsaan. Benar2 menyegarkan. Gw gak tau apakah ini baru pertama kali atau sebelumnya udah pernah. Jadi, mereka mengundang orchestra-nya Dwiki Dharmawan plus solois Gita Gutawa. Kerenn!!!
Mendengarkan lagi lagu-lagu perjuangan jaman SD dulu jadi nikmat :)
Mungkin gue agak terbuai simfoninya, sampe2 sempet terharu dan menitikkan air mata pas denger lagu Tanah Air. Jadi keinget dengan masa-masa upacara dan segala ritual nya.
Well...makna kemerdekaan tentunya lebih dari sekedar mengenang kembali lagu2 perjuangan kita. Tapi paling tidak perasaan haru biru itu menyadarkan gue akan segelintir rasa nasionalisme yang masih terendap dalam dada. Thanks God!

tanpa judul

2006-08-09T12:02:00.000+07:00

Memilih tema tulisan ternyata gampang-gampang susah. Kadang ada terlalu banyak ide sampe bingung milihnya. Lain waktu kolam ide justru lagi kering-keringnya. Giliran lagi ada ide, justru waktu buat nulisnya yang gak ada. Alhasil, gak jadi satu tulisan pun.
Sebenernya, saat gw lagi nulis ini pun, gw lagi blank..gak tau mau nulis apa. Yah...minimal ada niat utk meng-update blog..walaupun mngkn pada akhirnya tulisan ini jadi gak jelas juga maksud dan tujuannya. Well...itu sesuatu yg wajar lah yaa...hehehe..
Sekilas tentang hidup gw sekarang.
Everything's new. Well...now I kinda get used to it, though. It's fun...it's always fun to be with new faces and a whole new atmosphere. I'm enjoying my life right now. Don't you worry Sir*, I'm doing okay here :)

*Hope life treats you well..

question mark

2006-05-03T13:16:00.000+07:00

walls,
Feels like hitting the walls everywhere I turned.
my head is spinning and it's getting heavier each time..
where should I turn to?

Maybe we're all just being played by the hands of destiny.
Then, why don't we just enjoy the play?

.....

2006-05-03T12:36:00.000+07:00

the space between
your heart and mine
is the space we'll fill with time
....

*Dave Matthews - the space between

Karena wanita ingin dimengerti

2006-04-24T12:36:00.000+07:00

Itu kata Ada Band dalam salah satu lagunya yang juga jadi tag line-nya salah satu iklan produk pembalut wanita. (Padahal kalo dipikir-pikir apa juga hubungan Ada Band sama pembalut wanita?! :p)

Anyway, gue setuju banget tuh. Bukan maksud hati membedakan antara perempuan dan laki2..tapi perempuan emang beda sama laki2. Mau dilihat dari sisi mana juga tetep aja mereka beda. In terms of cara berpikir dan bertindak yaa...
Tapi entah kenapa, tiba2 aja gue kepikiran. Kayaknya hal yang satu ini dilematis juga yaa...walaupun mungkin ini hanya berlaku untuk gw, entah yg laen. (Since this is my blog, then you have to understand that it's all about me, me and me! :p)

Apa sih yang ada di otak perempuan? Terkadang, or should I say seringkali..hehheee...gw sendiri gak ngerti apa yg ada dlm otak gw. For example..."Kenapa sih gw mesti berpikir seperti itu?"...or "Kenapa juga ya gw ngerasa kayak gini?"
Duh, perasaan hidup udah berat, masih juga ditambah berat sama pertanyaan2 kayak gini...ampun deh gw :p
But anyway lagi...it's true! Sampe sekarang terkadang gw masih suka heran sama diri gw sendiri.
Contohnya sekarang ini...gw bingung. Apa sih sebenernya tujuan gw? Apa coba maksud gw? Kenapa gw bisa begini ya?
I know, it sounds a little bit stupid. But hey, women do think a lot more complicated than men :p That's why we have uncountable numbers of books specially dedicated to understand us! (our head and behaviors)
Fiuhhh...sampe kapan gw kayak gini yah??? Someone (girls outhere) please tell me whether we share the same situations...huhuhuuu...
Or is it just me who's weird?! Gimana mengharapkan orang laen (men) ngertiin gw kalo gw aja gak ngerti? :p
Gee..what are you thinking, honey?!

80's & 90's TV shows

2006-03-25T17:27:00.000+07:00

Remember these songs?
Just like me, you might find them amusing as they're bringing back the good old times. Enjoy! :p
------------------------------------------
greatest american hero (believe it or not)
-OST The Greatest American Hero

Look at what's happened to me,
I can't believe it myself.
Suddenly I'm up on top of the world,
It should've been somebody else.

Remember these songs?
Just like me, you might find them amusing as they're bringing back the good old times. Enjoy! :p

Believe it or not,
I'm walking on air.
I never thought I could feel so free-.
Flying away on a wing and a prayer.
Who could it be?
Believe it or not it's just me.

It's like a light of a new day-,
It came from out of the blue.
Breaking me out of the spell I was in,
Making all of my wishes come true-.

Believe it or not,
I'm walking on air.
I never thought I could feel so free-.
Flying away on a wing and a prayer.
Who could it be?
Believe it or not it's just me.

*Mike Post & Stephen Geyer

Inget filmnya? Film superhero hollywood yg jauh dari tipikal jagoan ala hollywood. Gmn gak, sang superhero ceritanya kehilangan buku panduan alias manual guidance dari baju superhero yg dia dapetin. Alhasil, sampe akhir dia gak pernah faseh terbang, pasti pake acara jatoh2 n nubruk2 pas mo take off! Hehehheee...it's sooooo funny :p
Love the movie, love the song...

-------------------------------------------------------

everywhere you look
-OST Full House

What ever happened to predictibility?
The milkman, the paperboy, evening TV.

Everywhere you look ,
everywhere you go (there's a heart).
There's a heart A hand to hold onto.

Everywhere you look ,
everywhere you go.
There's a face Of somebody who needs you.

Eveywhere you look,
When you're lost out there and you're all alone,
A light is waiting to carry you home,
Everywhere you look.

*Jesse Frederick

Semua org kenal The Olsen Twins (Mary-Kate & Ashley) pastinya gara2 film ini. Yg juga melambungkan nama John Stamos sama Bob Saget. Great sitcom dan cukup viewer's friendly alias bisa ditonton bareng sekeluarga. Siapa sih bisa lupa kelucuan para laki2 ngasuh anak2?

--------------------------------------------------------

nothing's gonna stop me
-OST Perfect Strangers

Sometimes the world looks perfect,
Nothing to rearrange.
Sometimes you get a feeling
Like you need some kind of change.
No matter what the odds are this time,
Nothing's going to stand in my way.
This flame in my heart,
And a long lost friend
Gives every dark street a light at the end.

Standing tall, on the wings of my dream.

Rise and fall, on the wings of my dream.

The rain and thunder
The wind and haze I'm bound for better days.
It's my life and my dream,
Nothing's going to stop me now.

*Jesse Frederick & Bennet Salvay

Sebenernya gw gak inget lagi lagunya gmn, tapi gw suka bngt filmnya. Masih jamannya TVRI atau TVRI programa 2 (duh, tahun kuda bngt gak sih :p)
Dua sahabat sekaligus roommate (Joey n Chandler versi jadul), Larry n Balky. Larry the smart one and Balky the weirdo, tapi kalo keduanya digabung...jadilah pasangan weirdos..hehehhee....

-------------------------------------------------------
as long as we got each other
-OST Growing Pains

Show me that smile again.
(Show me that smile)
Don’t waste another minute on your cryin’.
We're nowhere near the end
(nowhere near)
The best is ready to begin.

As long as we got each other
We got the world spinnin right in our hands.
Baby you and me, we gotta be
The luckiest dreamers who never quit dreamin’.

As long as we keep on givin’
we can take anything that comes our way
Baby, rain or shine, all the time
We got each other
Sharin’ the laughter and love.

*Steve Dorff & John Bettis

I love this movie so much! I even love the whole family (forgot the name now). Yang maen Kirk Cameron, trus sempet ada Leonardo di Caprio buat beberapa episode. Lucu juga...dia masih kecil gitu deh...
Love the song also, bahkan sempet jadi lagu kebangsaan angkatan gw pas kuliah :)

Feeling gloomy....

2006-03-25T16:05:00.000+07:00

Just like the weather in Jakarta lately, that's how I described my mood these past two days....covered with dark clouds and filled with chill.
Thought that I've finally found a glimpse of sunshine to get me through my (usual) cold days...just to find it* gone at the end of the day!
Hhhh...so much for my happy ending deh...

*wish you all the best in life

autisme - part II

2006-02-15T14:31:00.000+07:00

"Gimana caranya tetap berpikiran baik dalam lingkungan yg tidak baik?"
Pertanyaan gue pada bulan pertama.

(And so the journey to find the answer is begin...)

(After some time....)

Autis.
Shut my eyes, shut my ears, stay away from troubles.
Itu kata temen gue.
Dan satu gue tambahin...keep my mouth shut.

terkadang utk dapat bertahan 'waras' dan gak jadi 'dodol' (meminjam istilah temen gue lagi) mau gak mau kita harus berusaha utk gak gampang terpengaruh lingkungan sekitar.
So that's what i'm doing right now.

People...do whatever you want to. Just do whatever you like.
I'll stay happy and quiet with my mind!

autisme

2006-02-10T23:03:00.000+07:00

Gue berasa autis neh.

Autis di sini tentunya tidak dimaksudkan literally sebagai sindroma penyakit autis (autisme) versi kedokteran.
Gue hanya meminjam istilah ini. Katanya, mereka yg mengidap autisme seperti hidup di dunia lain alias tidak merespon stimuli apa pun dari lingkungan sekitarnya.
Memang, tidak semua anak autis menunjukkan gejala ini, ada juga yg berbeda. Tapi sepertinya masyarakat kita sudah kadung memahami autisme dalam artian tersebut.
Karena itulah gue meminjam istilah ini.

Let's just say...hidup gue yg sebelumnya mungkin hanya mengenal hitam, putih dan abu2 dipaksa terekspos dan hidup dengan spektrum warna yg lebih luas. Merah, hijau, ungu, kuning, dan entah kombinasi apa lagi. Ada yg menyenangkan ada juga yg tak diharapkan.
Mungkin karena hidup gue tiba2 menemui stimulus2 baru yang tidak pernah dia bayangkan sebelumnya....mekanisme perlindungan pun bekerja.
Kita biasa menyebutnya adaptasi. Prosesnya sendiri pada akhirnya bisa memunculkan variasi tindakan.
Bisa konformis atau menjadikan diri sama dengan stimuli yg datang;
kompromi atau menjadikan sebagian diri sama dengan stimuli dimana sebagian lagi tetap dgn identitasnya;
bisa juga jadi autis atau meminjam istilah yg gue temukan di internet...mannequinnism.
artinya kurang lebih sama, tidak bereaksi/merespon/mempedulikan lingkungan sekitar. Agak ekstrem sih. Walaupun tentunya dlm kasus gue tidak seekstrem ini.

--to be continued

finding neverland

2006-01-22T15:04:00.000+07:00

Mau main.
Mau terbang, lari sana sini, lompat tak beraturan ikuti angin.
Rasakan hawa sejuk di pipi dan udara bebas aliri jiwa.
Tiada orang-orang picik, sempit dan kasar.
Tanpa dusta dan fitnah.
Hanya wajah dan hati lapang, luas tak bertepi.
Hanya senyum dan tawa.
Angin semilir, musik di hati sejalan riak hati nan riang..
yang tak henti-henti mensyukuri setiap bulir kehidupan.

**Me....in struggle of finding MyOwnNeverland.

just speechless

2006-01-09T03:31:00.000+07:00

Sometimes in life you are blessed with the opportunity to meet great people.
People who touch your life with their heart and wisdom.
People who made you lost in words. Just speechless...

I don't know this person very well, but somehow...in such a short moment...I know that person is among great people who'll fulfill my life.
In our little conversation that person told me these things...

"You'll probably have hard times from now on, just be patient. I can't assure you things will go smoothly at all time, but maybe you just have to experience them. You'll learn a lot and they'll help you to grow up so you can figure out your missions in life."

"Everybody needs someone besides them. Someone to talk to when you go home from work, someone to share your life with. There's no perfect person in this world. All you have to do is pray to God for Him giving you the right person. Pray to Him everyday, with all your heart."

.....

Baby, there's always a silver lightning behind every dark cloud.

kebablasan?

2005-12-15T04:56:00.000+07:00

DIAKUI atau tidak, TV udah jadi bagian yg gak terlepaskan dari hidup kita. Kebetulan beberapa bulan terakhir gw punya waktu tak terhingga (hehee..) di rumah yg sebagian besar dilewati dgn nonton 'kotak ajaib' satu itu...
Well, untungnya lagi..gw gak tertarik dgn segala macem tontonan sampah di TV kita such as sinetron gak jelas dan infotainment gak mutu (sorry buat komunitas yg terpaksa cari makan di situ, no effence)
So, gue lbh bnyk merhatiin berbagai program berita, features, talkshow, dialog dan sejenisnya. Lumayan deh, banyak juga yg menarik dan berkualitas...tapi bukan brarti gak ada yg 'bermasalah'.
Akhir2 ini gw cukup terganggu dgn sejumlah program berita/feature/dialog yg gue sebut udah kebablasan. Kenapa?
Well...as we all know, sejatinya yg namanya jurnalisme itu gak terjebak pada semangat provokasi, kontroversi, cari sensasi dan bombastis yg pada akhrnya menggiring pada praktek trial by press.
Sayangnya, gw menemukan program2 berita yg hanya semata2 menjual sensasi dan kontroversi. Sampe parahnya, gw gak cuma bete sama program2 bersangkutan, tapi juga sama presenter dan stasiun TV-nya.
Okelah, beberapa tahun ke belakang kita sempet terkagum-kagum dgn gebrakan desi anwar dan ira koesno yg tampil 'garang' saat mengulik narasumber shg dialog jd enak ditonton. Tapi skrg, lo liat deh. Gak sedikit presenter yg terkesan dipaksakan utk tampil garang demi ideologi rating semata. Semangatnya sih boleh aja dimaklumi dan disupport, tapi krn gak jrg terlalu dipaksakan, akhrnya yg terlihat cuma ulah presenter yg terkesan "gak sopan" dan acara yg "gak ada isinya". (Sorry, tapi gw bener2 bisa emosi kalo dah nonton yg kyk gini)
Mau gak mau gw jadi melihat kemiripan program2 tsb dgn sejublek program infotainment (yg ngakunya mengusung jurnalisme infotainment) yg lbh bnyk menjual gosip dan menciptakan kontroversi dibandingkan menyajikan fakta.
Mungkinkan mereka udah kebablasan ke arah sana?
Kalo iya, wah..gue nyerah deh. Bisa2 gw berenti nonton TV dan memutuskan hidup dalam keterisolasian dr teknologi informasi.
Payah deh.....

sakit kepala

2005-12-14T14:04:00.000+07:00

WHEN it comes to life, ups and downs are normal.
When it comes to sport, win or lose are also normal...or so they think!
Come on...hari gini, semua orang juga lebih milih menang daripada kalah.
So...if I have to put in words, it'll be something like this :

While winning or losing is normal...
in real world to win is a must, and to lose is a sin!

I'm a sport fan..(here we go again :p)
Rasanya ada yg kurang kalo ngaku sbg 'penikmat olahraga' tapi gak punya tim/klub/atlet favorit. It's fun you know...mengikuti perjalanan dan sepak terjang jagoan kita, ikut bersuka cita pas mereka menang (apalagi kalo kemenangan penting), dan ikut bersimbah air mata (well..hiperbola sih neh) pas hrs menelan pil pahit kekalahan.
Kadang yg namanya ngefans sama sesuatu suka jadi kebablasan. Kalo udah begini, yg ada jadi repot deh.

As far as my experience...gue mengenal yg namanya "sindrom pasca kekalahan dan kegagalan" yg bervariasi dlm tingkatan. Mulai dari kekalahan dgn intensitas "wajar/moderate", "parah/unacceptable", sampe tingkatan "memalukan/unforgivable sin". Gejalanya juga bervariasi..mulai dari emosi naek, ngomel2, bete seharian, sakit kepala, sakit hati, sampe muncul dendam di antara kita yg menjurus pada aksi mogok mendukung tim/klub/atlet bersangkutan. Ujung2nya berpaling ke lain hati deh....nah loh!

Sejauh ini, sepertinya gue dah pernah melewati semuanya. Paling parah mungkin sekitar 4/5 tahun yg lalu, saat gue menjagokan satu klub jerman di final ajang kompetisi elit se-Eropa. Well, the truth is i'm not a fan of them, tapi berhubung lawannya adalah tim yg....yah, bisa dibilang gue anti lah sama mereka...so, gw dgn segenap hati memilih utk mendukung klub jerman tsb.
Alkisah, tnyata jagoan gw kalah dan klub 'tercela' yg menang itu (hahahaa..) berhasil merajai percaturan sepakbola dgn meraih 3 gelar!
Efeknya, gue makin sakit hati dong sama tim 'tercela' itu. Ditambah lagi fakta gw hrs mengalami kekalahan yg sngt dramatis, ironis dan tragis serta fakta yg agak irasional di mana puasa gw hari itu jd gagal! Kok?
Yah ceritanya saat itu gw berpikir utk bayar puasa mengingat pertandingannya dini hari so gw bisa sekalian sahur. Mngkn krn niat puasanya jg krg kuat ato emang gw-nya aja lg sial, stlh bela2in goreng nugget buat sahur smbl nonton bola (kalah pula), eh tau2nya pas paginya malah dateng tamu bulanan. Jadilah gw makin bete dgn kesialan hari itu!

Eniwei, gue cuma mo bilang kalo gue baru aja mengalami another "sindrom pasca kekalahan dan kegagalan". Kali ini abis nonton derby Inter vs Milan. Damn! Milan kalah lagi!!
Huhuhuu...sial 3x! Kalah krn gol di injury time (hmmm...sounds familiar, damn!), kesalip Inter dan Fiorentina di klasemen sementara (bete, jadi nomor 4 deh) dan makin jauh deh jaraknya sama Ju...........ups, I mean "the-one-you-should-not-mention" (11 poin bow!)
Gejalanya sih gak separah dulu, cuma sakit kepala aja alias kepala pening bow! Kekalahan ketiga dlm 4x pertandingan! Duhh...siaaaallllll bgt!!!!

I know I should have not take it seriously...that's why they name it a GAME right?!
But hey...you know the rule.
To win is a must!

that I would be good

2005-11-29T15:11:00.000+07:00

That i would be good even if i did nothing
That i would be good even if i got the thumbs down
That i would be good if i got and stayed sick
That i would be good even if i gained ten pounds
That i would be fine even if i went bankrupt
That i would be good if i lost my hair and my youth
That i would be great if i was no longer queen

That i would be grand if i was not all knowing
That i would be loved even when i numb myself
That i would be good even when i am overwhelmed
That i would be loved even when i was fuming
That i would be good even if i was clingy
That i would be good even if i lost sanity
That i would be good whether with or without you

-alanis morrisette-

saat milan kalah..

2005-11-21T16:54:00.000+07:00

THIS is almost 3 months ago. Look at the smile on my face..couldn't be bigger than that! (hahahaaa...). I'm ready to put on that kind of smile after the game (Go Nesta, go Milan!)
Well, life is sooooo much fun and bright when you have your friends around, hanging out together under the beautiful blue sky with the winds running through your hair :)

My life lately wasn't that fun though. You know, just some routine boring days which was practically far from adventorous or terrific. In fact, today I have this kind of "butterfly in my stomach" feeling which literally not in my stomach, but inside my chest. What?
Fyi, it's the feeling I usually get when my heart beats so fast 'till it hurts and as if you can hear it drums. It was, I guess, the effect of me being unstoppable from thinking of some stupid things. Yeah, i call it stupid 'cause I know exactly that this thought is such a waste. Come on...you're thinking of unimaginable things!

Oh No! It's the whistle! That means Fiorentina just kicked Milan's butt with 1-3 defeat! Meaning, we have another 5-point gap with, you know..Juve (ugh, i hate to write the name down)
Well, the game is over. Guess it's time to check my emails. **

**Isi kepala gue saat menyaksikan Milan kalah (maaf, tulisannya bilingual)

friends forever

2005-11-21T16:05:00.000+07:00

September kemarin salah satu sahabat gw memutuskan untuk menikah.
Langkahnya diikuti sahabat gw yg lain di awal Desember nanti.
Insya Allah, tahun depan akan ada lagi yang menyusul.
Gak kerasa, udah 6 tahun kami bersama.
Mengurai tawa, tangis dan terkadang amarah.
Merajut cerita dan kenangan.
Menghabiskan jam, hari, bulan dan tahun2 tak terlupakan.
Saat masing-masing dari kami akan menemui jalannya tersendiri,
terlintas sepenggal hidup kebersamaan kami...
Walaupun gak ada buku pink lagi, semoga perjalanan kita terus sampai titik akhir, girlz! :)

*Look at us! Tired and horrible (hahahaa), after the wedding reception. You missed the moment ndah! :p

when i look at my 5 percent..

2005-11-19T18:15:00.000+07:00

what's in a dream?
katanya ada yg bisa baca mimpi, alias mengartikan maksud mimpi yang kita alami. Bahkan, katanya lagi, ada ilmunya..namanya apa gue gak inget.
Well, I'm not a superstitious girl..jadi kalo lo tanya apakah gue percaya sama mimpi ato gak, gue bakal jawab: hmmm....gak tau juga deh yaa..

Kadang gue pikir mimpi cuma bunga tidur aja, seringkali dia muncul dlm bentuk yg abstrak bngt dan sama sekali gak ada artinya alias meaningless.
Don't tell me you never had those wacky/crazy/insane/absurd dreams with some celebrities or strange situations in it.
Tapi kadang, mimpi bisa muncul dan terasa begitu nyata sampe2 pas bangun lo kaget sendiri kalo itu cuma mimpi. Kalo dah kyk gini, biasanya org nganggep mimpi itu sebuah pertanda atau keinginan jujur dari dasar hati lo yg plg dalam yg muncul dr alam bwh sadar lo.

Buat gue...mimpi bisa jadi memiliki bentuk ketiganya; bunga tidur, pertanda dan keinginan.
Ada org2 yg beruntung sering mengalami mimpi2 dlm bentuk pertanda. Gak lama setelah dia mimpi, eh...mimpinya jadi kenyataan. Well, a bit spooky i know, but sometimes it helps.
Gue bukanlah org yg seberuntung itu. Seumur hidup gue, kalo dikalkulasikan, 95% mimpi gw muncul dlm bentuk bunga tidur. Yaa..kurang lebih alurnya gak jelas, kadang2 ada seleb jd temen gw lah, gak jarang ceritanya jd kyk film hollywood. Intinya sih, they're just jokes..to entertain me while i'm sleeping.
Nah, yg 5% sisanya pun gak pernah merupakan pertanda, hanya keinginan yg gak sadar gw miliki yg muncul dlm berbagai bentuk metafora. Kalo dah begini, yg merepotkan adalah meraba-raba apa arti sebenarnya dr mimpi tersebut, krn dgn begitu gw bisa tau apa sebenernya yg ada dlm hati gw yg mgkn selama ini gak gw dengerin or sadarin.

Malam ini gw coba memikirkan lagi arti mimpi2 gw beberapa waktu trakhir. Selama 2 bln trakhir ini I had some disturbing dreams..melibatkan beberapa orang dari masa lalu gue. Ada yg memang pernah punya makna khusus dlm hidup gw, tapi sisanya just some guys in my past, nothing more.
Weird, karena gw gak punya hubungan apa2 lagi dgn semuanya dan from all the people in my life..why them?! I have no clue.
Maybe they're just some stupid dreams, like the usual. Tapi terus kenapa perasaan gw jd terusik?
Mungkin bukan objeknya yg penting...tapi cerita di dalamnya.
Jadi, gw gak usah mikirin kenapa mereka yg muncul di mimpi gw...tapi justru kenapa ceritanya terus berulang dgn objek yg berbeda.
Mungkin mereka hanya metafora..the bottom line is in the story. Mungkin suara dalam hati gw teriak minta didengerin...bahwa inilah saatnya untuk memulai. Bahwa ada kemungkinan2 dan pilihan2 dlm hidup ini. Mungkin gw terjebak dalam satu titik dimana gw menutup diri dr masa lalu gw dan hanya membuka diri pada segala hal yg harus baru. Hal2 yg bahkan setitik pun gw blom tau wujud rupanya.
But you know what?!
Masa depan gak melulu datang dengan ke-baru-annya, dia mungkin muncul dari masa lalu. Just by realizing it, you'll find it easier to see them in new perpectives without any expensive glasses. Then you'll soon appreciate their "new" appearances.

Live on honey...but never forget the things you've left behind...the stories that have brought you here, today.

inikah saatnya?

2005-11-16T16:05:00.000+07:00

Ada sebuah keinginan datang tak disangka

di saat lapar, dahaga dan sabar.

Menyapa hati dan singgah untuk menginap.

Sekian waktu terendapkan dan hampir tersisihkan,

ia terbangun dan menanti sebuah jawaban besar

maka ku berpikir..merenung..bertanya..berpikir lagi

hmmmm.....

inikah kebenaran murni atau hanya duniawi semata yang coba kuraih?

di mana jawabnya Tuhan?

a tribute to...

2005-11-16T15:45:00.000+07:00

Kenal Chandra-Sigit?
Yg cukup akrab dgn jagad perbulutangkisan pasti tau bngt. Kalo pun gak akrab, minimal pernah denger lah dikit2. Dua hari lalu mereka baru aja menang China Open ngalahin salah satu pasangan satu angkatan, Jans Erikksen-Martin Lundgard Hansen dari Denmark. Luckily, salah satu TV swasta kita nyiarin langsung, so gue bisa menyaksikan lagi aksi2 jempolan mereka.
I'm a badminton freak.
And I'm a true spectator.
So, kalo ada siaran live bulutangkis, gw pasti bela2in nonton.
I'm a big fan of Chandra-Sigit. Dan siapa pun yg ngikutin perjalanan karier mereka pasti mau gak mau bakal ngefans. I'll tell you why :

Mereka merajai jagad alam perbulutangkisan selama hampir satu dekade kayaknya.

Mereka pernah merebut hampir semua titel bergengsi di percaturan bulutangkis (ini catur apa bulutangkis sih?! -garing mode-), termasuk Juara Dunia.

Mereka pernah bubar, balik lagi, konflik, bubar lagi, ganti pasangan tandem sampe akhirnya bersanding lagi (aiihh..). Sempet heboh juga pas mereka bubar. Awalnya sih gara2 Sigit kesandung skorsing krn masalah doping. Abis dia bebas skorsing, mereka msh sempet balik dan jadi juara lagi utk kemudian bubar lagi krn ketidakcocokan (kyk seleb kita aja :p) Rahasia umumnya sih, Sigit memang rada temperamen. Setelah dua2nya ganti pasangan tetep aja ada prestasi. Chandra-Tony Gunawan malah pernah dapet Olympic Gold Medal, Juara Dunia dan terus melejit! Kalo pas bubar gw kaget, pas mereka akhrnya nyatu lagi setelah beberapa tahun kepisah gw shock! Gilee..kayak sinetron! Dan tnyata mereka bisa melejit lagi. Padahal mereka dah gak muda lohh..

Mereka jagonya poin2 kritis. Mereka sering banget menang dlm situasi di ujung tanduk, alias ampir2 kalah. Pernah pas Kejuaraan Dunia jaman baheula deh, pertandingannya super duper ketat dan kritis. Saking deg2annya, kk gw yg cewe memutuskan utk tidur aja alias gak brani liat, while gw bertahan sambil liat dr balik tembok (for real!). Hebohnya lagi, pas akhrnya mereka menang, gw sampe nangis! Well..gak tersedu-sedu lah, cuma terharu dan lega bngt!!!
Kemaren pun begitu lagi. Poinnya 17-16, 11-15, 15-13. Gila bngt! Alhasil gw sport jantung lagi deh.

Mereka jagonya pukulan2 aneh. Well, ini memang langganannya pemain Indonesia, gak cuma mereka. Seniornya yg mulai lebih dulu terkenal dgn pukulan aneh bin ajaib (tangan di belakang punggung en mukul lewat bawah di antara kaki) ada Eddy Hartono, Bambang Supriyanto en Ricky-Rexy. Sigit juga dikenal punya pukulan aneh yg gak terprediksi arahnya kemana. Tebak2 buah manggis dong :p

Terakhir, mereka itu less talk more action. Pas mereka konflik gak ada tuh yg namanya heboh2 berantem lewat media (emangnya artis kita), pas melejit juga gak macem2 (emangnya artis kita - antiseleb mode). Makanya jgn suka macem2. Loh?!

tut..tut..wrong number

2005-11-16T15:15:00.000+07:00

Ajaib. Udah sekitar 3 minggu ini gue dapet beberapa telpon wrong number alias salah sambung. Bete gak seh?! Pertama ada yg nyari seorg cewek ntah namanya gw lupa, trus Pak Priyadi, trus ada yg private number ngomong Chinese (duhh...gue cuma ngerti wo ai ni), trus ada lagi yg nyari Pak Soni. Anehnya, yg nyari Pak Priyadi sampe 3 org dgn 2 nomor yg berbeda pula. Udah gitu nelponnya berkali-kali, sampe gw apal nomor2nya. Bete. Yg nyari Pak Soni malah keukeh pgn nanyain Soni walopun dah gw blg salah sambung. Pake nanya gue istrinya ato bukan pula (ngotot apa hopeless?!)
Salah sambung kyknya biasa sih, tapi dulu waktu msh pake nomor lama, gw gak pernah sesering ini dpt telpon salbung. Lah ini, baru juga 3 blnan ganti nomor yg salah sambung dah bnyk bgt!
Ditambah lagi, semalem ada nomor gak jelas yg ngerjain gw. Ngirim sms lebaran, bhubung gw gak kenal nomernya, gw tanya dong. Pake acara pura2 salah nomor lah, tnyata ujung2nya tau nama gue. Since i have no time responding things like that, ya gue cuekkin aja. Bodo deh dia siapa.
Harusnya ada teknologi yg lebih canggih suranggih yg bisa menghindarkan kita dr yg namanya penyakit salah sambung. Iya toh, setiap penyakit harus dicari obatnya?! Huhuhuu...

do you know he's lying to you?

2005-11-14T03:21:00.000+07:00

Lo tau ada sesuatu yang aneh, walaupun lo gak yakin2 amat. Tapi somehow, lo memilih untuk tidak menganggap serius perasaan itu (atau mungkin memang lo gak mau kalo perasaan itu benar adanya).
Itu pembuka aja. Tulisan ini terinspirasi dari buku "He's not that into you" (walaupun baru gw baca sinopsisnya aja) dan salah satu episode Oprah yg baru gw liat. Intinya sih gw pgn nulis ttg tanda2 yg menunjukkan "there's something wrong with your guy, either he's cheating on you or he's just not that into you".
Kalo lo berada dlm situasi kurang lebih kyk gini, mendingan cari yg laen aja deh :)

Tu cowok cuma bisa dihubungi ke HPnya. Ngakunya tlp rmh gak ada lah, gak suka trima tlp lwt tlp rmh, gak privat lah, de el el. Intinya sih dia selingkuh sama lo, gak pgn ketauan org rumah, ato gak dia cuma iseng2 aja sama lo.
Tiap kali dia nelpon selalu ada backsound. Alias dia selalu nelpon lewat HP di luar rumah. (Menghindari didenger org rumah/laen?) Entah itu di mobil, kantor, restoran pas makan siang, ato kamar mandi. Nah, yg trakhir ini bisa dideteksi dari keberadaan suara gemericik air pas dia nelpon. Kalo sampe ngalamin yg trakhir ini, wah..patut waspada. Ngapain juga ada org yg berniat nlp pas lagi di kamar mandi???!! Hmm...sepertinya ada bau bangkai yg coba ditutupi (taelahh..).
Menghindari acara jalan bareng temen2 lo. Tiap kali diajak jalan bareng temen2 baik lo or nemenin ke kawinan temen lo, ada aja alasannya. Paling klasik sih gak mau jadi kambing congek or mengganggu lo saat hangout bareng temen2 lo. Hari gini maunya berduaan aja?! Please dehh...
Gak pernah mau diajak ke acara keluarga lo. Setali tiga uang sama yg di atas. Saat lo merasa hubungan lo dah cukup lama dan mapan masak sih dia masih nolak juga?! Entah itu alasannya dia malu, segan, belom siap, gak mau mengganggu ato ada acara laen (klasik bngt sih), kalo dah berkali-kali itu pasti dia bohong! Jangan percaya ya ladies...:)
Gak nelpon lagi setelah acara jalan bareng yang seru dan asik bngt. Ini tipikal bngt pas masa2 pedekate. Lo ngerasa pertemuan lo yg trakhir seru bngt deh, tapi tnyata dia gak nelpon2. Biasanya sih, kita para cewek langsung menganalisis berbagai kemungkinan. "Dia pasti sibuk berat sama kerjaannya...mungkin dia bingung mo ngomong apa, kan ada tuh org yg gak terlalu suka ngobrol di tlp....mungkin dia gak pengen memberikan kesan dia ngejar2 gue, kan cowok suka jaim juga...mungkin dia ngerasa ini terlalu cepet, dia gak pengen terburu-buru (duh, pikiran cewek bngt).." Nah, tnyata mnrt si empunya buku He's not that into you itu, ini adalah tanda2 bhw dia cuma gak segitunya aja sama lo. Jadi mnrtnya lagi, mendingan lo lupain aja dia, gak usah ngarep2 lagi. Kalo dia suka sama lo, pasti dia ngubungin lo (in ANYway). Katanya, pikiran cowok gak serumit itu kok..kemungkinan2 yg kita pikir itu gak make sense buat cowok (huhuhuuu...)
Nangis sesenggukan pas ketahuan bohong dan lo suruh ngaku. Jangan percaya deh sama air mata yg satu ini. Bisa jadi cuma air mata buaya. Ada loh (dan gak sedikit tnyata) cowok2 yg pasang aksi nangis (with real tears!) pas ngakuin kesalahan dia di depan ceweknya. Standarlah..minta maaf sambil kasih alesan yg bikin lo simpati berat. Cewek mana sih yg gak luluh liatnya?! Kaum hawa umumnya mudah terjerat trick ini krn alasan cowok kan makhluk yg tough, anti nangis, kalo mereka sampe nangis di depan kita pasti itu bener2...(yeah right, unfortunately not all of them are really true gals).
Punya sejuta kata manis rayuan pulau kelapa. Bisa disebutkan di antaranya I see stars in your eyes (huhuhuuu), heaven must be missing an angel because the angel is here with me tonight (duhhh...), God must had been in a very good mood when He's creating you (sejak kapan Tuhan pake acara "lagi mood"?!), etc. Ngegombal dikit2 sih boleh aje, tapi ati2 kalo lo dah dibanjiri dgn rayuan, bisa2 lo emang lagi ketemu pria penggombal sejati. Manis di mulut sepet di hati (huehehhee). Tips : kalo kebanyakan rayuannya lo berasa familiar, kudu ati2 neh. Biasanya para penggombal itu suka nyaplok mulai dari lirik2 lagu, dialog film sampe ucapan di kartu2 hallmark :p

i quit saying the word..

2005-09-24T04:25:00.000+07:00

remember "what you and i spoke of" story?

well, i just spoke to the guy a couple of days ago.
yah, begitulah..gak ada ujan gak ada badai dia tau2 nelpon gue. weird huh? one of the weirdest time in my life i guess.
you know what? he had this issue and was a bit shacky and panicked. he no longer had my number, but he said my name and my home number just popped out of his mind. really weird or what?!

so, we talked for about half an hour..u know, the usual chats around jobs, family and friends..he told me a little about his issue with his girlfriend.
weird moment...i mean from all of his friends, why me? (although i once had this experience consulting my love life with him after like a year with no contact)
but i guess..i don't know..sometimes when i feel so down, all i wanna do is talk to someone who know nothing about my issue..like old pal or even a new friend. maybe that explains everything.

anyway..at first i thought i still have his number, but then i realized i have them erased. so, i guess now the both of us kind of lost contact again.
but you know what? i once read this amazing quote :

"No one in this world knows too many things to tell the impossibles.."

i guees that's true. i have too many times telling that some things are impossible, but then i have to face the facts that i was so wrong. so, now i decided to take some time in seeing things before i dare to say those are impossible. sometimes it just take more time (or even longer) to make it possible.

so, it took 3 years for us to talked each other again, but hey..we've made it!
so, maybe it'll take the same or maybe more for our next chat..but i don't care.
because, nothing is impossible. maybe he'll come across something that reminds him of me then he'll call me. who knows?

namanya juga berandai-andai...

2005-09-14T05:10:00.000+07:00

namanya juga berandai-andai di siang hari, ya maklumin aja kalo buat org laen gak penting..(udah dibilangin kan cuma berandai-andai :p)

andaikan :
1. Usher ngadain konser ke indonesia, gue pasti jadi penonton pertama yg beli tiketnya! duh, kapan ya???

2. duit cukup, keberanian cukup (hehehe) gue mau pindah aja ke bali, buka usaha (butik, resto, gift shop, bengkel handycraft, spa, apa kek..). everyday is surely holiday!

3. sekali lagi..duit ada, kesempatan ada, pengen banget keliling Eropa plus Amerika Latin khusus datengin markas2 klub besar bola di sana. It's a journey to the history of world soccer!

4. have great voice (with a rock sound) and a big sensem of musicality, i would surely joined the INXS Rock Star Audition!! (biar kyk Jordis, trus bisa ketemu Maty Casey and Dave Navarro of course!!)

Hehe...namanya juga berandai-andai, salah siapa coba kalo nyesel abis baca tulisan ini?! :p

so what gitu loh?!

2005-09-14T04:51:00.000+07:00

gak maksud ikut-ikutan latah kyk orang-orang yg pada ngomong istilah ini. gue cuma pinjem aja untuk menjelaskan kehidupan gue setelah jadi sarjana. nah loh!! emangnya hidup gue harus berubah setelah ngerasain disidang plus ditogain? itu dia yg lagi gue pikirin. kayaknya sih gak ada yg beda2 amat. tadinya gue pikir gue bakal berasa kayak di 7th heaven (ngarang bgt sih gue?!), yah setelah penantian dan perjuangan begitu panjang, gue pikir gue deserved dong ngerasa begitu.
but, ealahh...tnyata biasa aja. sempet bangga bgt sih pas dinyanyiin sama anak2 baru itu di balairung, tapi lama2 bosen juga..hehehe...panas bow pake kebaya plus toga siang2!
eniwei, intinya gue cuma mo bilang...setelah gue rasa2 selama krg lebih sebulan, tnyata kehidupan gue ya gitu2 aja...(bedanya, skrg stlh lulus gw malah nganggur after cabut dr kntr :p). mungkin emang seharusnya setiap sarjana2 baru itu ngerasain hal yg sama kyk gue, krn jadi sarjana itu bukan suatu tujuan dlm hidup. yes, itu suatu tahapan yg harus dilewati (walaupun gak berlaku buat semua org jg), tapi setelah itu hidup ya jalan terus. ada yg bilang itu awal perjalanan, ada yg nganggep itu tujuan hidup, buat gw sih itu kayak jam pulang kantor. selalu lo nanti2 datangnya saat itu, pas dateng perasaan lo seneng plus lega, but then besok lo bangun dan hrs memulai hari lg kyk kemaren. dan lo dah gak berasa lagi senengnya pulang hari kemaren kan?! krn itu dah lewat, gak berbekas lagi n gak penting diinget inget jg...yg ada lo coba melalui hari itu lagi, kerja lagi, trus nunggu2 waktu pulang lg deh! horee!!!
jelas, tulisan ini tidak dimaksudkan utk mengecilkan nilai perjuangan utk dapetin titel sarjana. what i;m trying to say is that the title won't do any good for anyone with no passion or intention to start things all over again.

So, jadi sarjana? so what gitu loh!

Graduation!!!

2005-09-01T04:02:00.000+07:00

fiuhhh...finally! akhirnya!
i have completed that task..i have completed my study...and now i'm free!!!
yippyyy!!!!
sarjana bow! :p

the season's biggest breakout player finally won the crown..

2005-06-07T07:05:00.000+07:00

Dia menang! I mean the one and only Rafael "Rafa" Nadal! Hebatnya, he became the first man to win in his debut since Mats Wilander (1982). Dia baru 19 tahun, pertama kali ikutan French Open, ngalahin the "Roger Federer" pula! so, what more could you ask for? Komplit deh hebatnya. Salute!

perjalanan 9 jam itu....:)

2005-06-04T03:50:00.000+07:00

menepi buat lunch break :) kucel n the kumel..maklum aja deh yaaa :p

Seru! sebelumnya gak pernah bayangin harus menghabiskan waktu 9 jam in a speed boat, and i mean small one! hehehhee...
tapi akhirnya gw bisa juga melewati itu semua..fiuhhh...dan tnyata menyenangkan. jadi aneh pas akhirnya ketemu lagi sama bus :p eniwei, gw menantikan tawaran journey ke laut neh..hehe...kapan yah?!

Oleh-oleh :)

2005-06-04T03:46:00.000+07:00

liputan banjir apa nyobain naik ces (perahu)?

jejak petualang?

2005-06-04T03:44:00.000+07:00

pernah punya keinginan besar mo jadi presenter jejak petualang or acara semacamnya. tapi tnyata pas harus menjalankan tugas sambil 'agak berpetualang' udah kepayahan jg...hehehheee...
but, it was fun!! biasa deh, setelah berakhir baru kerasa nikmatnya :p katanya sih, kalo udah minum air mahakam bakal balik lagi ke sana. well, gw sih gak minum tapi kalo mandi pake air mahakam udah! huahahahhaaaa....moga2 peluang balik lg ke sana tetep gede :p

Style vs Strength...who's the biggest player on earth?

2005-06-04T01:14:00.000+07:00

another big sport event lagi digelar di negeri anggur sana, namanya French Open. Walaupun kali ini gue harus menelan kekecewaan karena harus kehilangan Kim Clijster, tapi bakal ada pertarungan hebat di men singles. take a look kata situs resminya French Open :

Style meets strength as Federer faces Nadal
"This is the confrontation the world has been looking forward to since the draw was announced nearly two weeks ago: the majestic number one who owns every Grand Slam title except for Roland Garros, against the season's biggest breakout player and most accomplished clay-courter."

Who will get the crown? Buat gue sih gak masalah siapa yg menang. Yang pasti dua-duanya sama2 sensasional buat gue. Then again, this is the game the world has been looking forward to :)

what you and I spoke of...

2005-03-24T10:16:00.000+07:00

'cause you and I both loved
what you and I spoke of
and others just read of and if you could see now
well i'm already finally out of words

and it's okay if you have to go away
just remember the telephone works both ways
and if I never ever hear it rings
if nothing else i'll think the bells inside
have finally found you someone else and that's okay
'cause i'll remember everything you sang....

*You and I Both (Jason Mraz)

Mengingatkan gue akan seseorang di masa lalu gue :) I once knew this guy...our friendship started in a not-so-ordinary way. What we had at that time was hard to explain. We were buddies, but yes..there were also a little bit of funny feeling between us (you know what i mean..) The kind of thing that could only happened once in your life. We had great times..and the most great thing about us was how the two of us always came up with anything (and i really mean anything) to talk to. I used to spend hours (2-5 hours) on the phone just to talk to him...
And now, after long months of hearing no news from him, i kinda miss those good ol' times. I wonder where he is now...how's life treating you lately?
To look back now, i can say that i miss my best friend and i miss those conversations..

Terkadang gue berpikir...ada hubungan2 dengan lawan jenis yang akan berubah saat salah satu atau kedua belah pihak punya pasangan masing-masing. Gue tau, kalaupun the guy i'm talking right now masih terdengar kabarnya, kita mungkin gak akan bisa menghabiskan waktu berjam-jam talking on the phone almost everynight! It'll be ackward and annoying for his or my partner (if i have one!). But somehow, gue pengen banget ketemu sama dia..to have our long conversation just like ol' times. I always love the things we spoke of. Well, even if he has a girlfriend now, i don't mind that, i just miss my ol' buddy....

hey, thanks john!

2005-03-11T17:00:00.001+07:00

I just listened to John Mayer’s Daughters this afternoon. The song has mesmerized me with its enlightening lyrics..

“Daughters”

I know a girl
she puts the color inside my world
she's just like a maze
where all of the walls all continually change

I've done all i can
to stand on the steps with my heart in my hands
now i started to think
maybe it’s got nothing to do with me.

so fathers be good to your daughters,
daughters will love like you do,
girls become lovers who turn into mothers
so mothers be good to your daughters too.

oh you see that skin
it’s the same she's been standing in
since the day you two met
I bet I was on your mind
never ever any time

boys you can break
find out how much they can take
boys will be strong and
boys soldier on
but boys would be gone
without warmth of a woman's good good heart

on behalf of ever man
who's looking out for every girl
you are the god and you are the weight of her world

***

Isn’t so true? I strongly believe...if you want someone to be good, then you have to be good on her. Treat her right. Give her all the love you can give, support, respect, and honour. Give her some faith in herself and enough confidence for her to face the challenges in life.
Self-fulfilling prophecy.
Expect great things from her to bring out all the best in her. Trust her, and let her do the rest. For me, there’s no point of continously pointing out her weaknesses and failures, as if she has no dissapointment and embarassment already. There’s no point of commenting her as a good-for-nothing person everytime she lets you down just to make her learn the lessons. In fact, there is no single person has the right to treat others like that, for crying out loud..

So, John...thanks for reminding me not to be the shallow person like that...

J.O.B

2005-03-04T13:19:00.000+07:00

"What do you do now?"
Favorite line for my generation. I don't know why, but almost everytime I had the chance to gather with my friends back at school or college, that question appeared.
JOB. The next big thing in your life after your name.

A : "Hi, my name is John Doe. I'm a cost guard. What's your name? And what did you do for living?"
B : Ow..hi! I'm Pam. I used to be a coast guard too. It's surely a cool thing to do"
A : "You were a coast guard? Really? When? Where?"
B : "Well, actually it was a long time ago. I was doing the job for like...3 seasons, along with David and Carmen"
A : Wait a minute. What's your name again?"
B : Pam. Pamela Anderson"

Anyway, what kind of things that people really concern about when they pick a job?
Big salary? Easy task? Strategic location? Whom you work with? Suitable and sufficient capabilities for the job?

Sometimes I just don't understand. There are people who picked a job just because they didn't know any other place to go. Some people decided to keep their butt on one place because they simply have no time and energy (courage?) to start all over again. And some others make decisions simply based on words of other people.

I know it's not fair to judge other's act. But I believe, truly believe, that you can't just simplify the process of deciding a job in your brain. It's supposed to be complicated. It just has to be like that. You just have to calculate all the profits and risks. Not just one element. Why?
Because that's just the way it supposed to be.

too much of something is bad enough

2005-03-03T13:01:00.000+07:00

Overload. Over-quota.
mayday mayday,
Too many informations in my head right now.
I'm having this overload memory..
mayday mayday,
There'll soon be an error in the system!

idolization is blind?

2005-02-26T08:56:00.000+07:00

idolize = worship, respect, admire, adore, cherish, love, crazy over....someone.
Idol can be anyone..from someone you really know well to someone who doesn't even know that you're exist! Namely families, friends, colleagues, teachers, your lawyer, your accountant, celebrities, the guy you met at the club, the girl you passes by every morning at the station, the man who gave you your 1st birthday present at junior high..etc.
I have so many people that i adore so much with rational cause and irrational cause. Don't tell me you never have an idol just because he looks good on jeans n t-shirt, or 'cause you think you see sparkles from his dark eyes! I have a long list of them, trust me.
Ideally, an idol should be someone with high level of appearance and character, shortly that person should be perfect. So perfect that everybody wants to be in his/her shoes. So perfect that everybody wants to be his/her partner in life. Well, there're so many men around the globe who want to be David Beckham even just for a day, and there're many more women that are dying to be Victoria! (although I prefer to be the woman who spent holiday on a cruise with Alessandro Nesta..damn who is she anyway?!)

They say love is blind (hmm..who said that in the 1st place anyway?!) just like the act of idolizing that I pointed out earlier.
Let me think....i have this huge crush on Alessandro Nesta (if u haven't noticed :p) for all the right reasons. I love his look, his talent, his achievements (was Lazio's captain, won the scudetto with Lazio n Milan, one of the best defender in national team n the world, joined the national team at very young age). Overall, he has everything to be my idol!
On the contrary, i also have some idols that up to now I couldn't figured out why i love those people. Or....i have the reasons but none of them make sensed to me, or....none of them are good qualities.
Let's say...one of the girls among my idols is Jessica Simpson. Well, i'm not saying i'm a big fan of her..but i do like her..hehhehee. Why? Well, my friend told me that she's the prototype of a real dumb blonde, and he's always trying to make me admit that. But, everytime i think about it, i always get to the point to admit that he's right, but somehow my opinion about her always different. I don't see her as a real dumb blonde, she's just different, unique, sometimes weird..in a way that makes her adorable (but then i realized, most of the girls that people called dumb blonde are adorable in some ways..huehuehueuee). Anyway, just look at her (Jessica-red). She has this habit to spontaneously say unthinkable things! All you can do (n his husband Nick) is speechless! I just lost words...hehehee...
You know, one night I watched one of an E show, where Jessica n her sister Ashlee was being interviewed. Ashlee said that she admires Jessica so much since she thinks Jess is sooooo funny. Then, do u know what Jess has to say? She said, "I don't think i'm that funny. I don't even know whether people think i'm really funny or i'm a dork!" ziiinngggggggggg --------- (there was a pause before i laughed out loud :p)
My question now is that is she really genuine (what u see on TV about her is real, no manipulation) or the so called behind-the-scene people conditioned her to meet the attitude of real dumb blonde through her TV show??
What i'm trying to say here is.....am i have an analytical thinking stepback, intellectual downgrade (oohhh...that really harsh).....or idolization is really blind (just like love)? :p

...well, just another andy

2005-02-23T13:12:00.000+07:00

Just look at him!
Forgive me for being such a typical fan (look at me, posting cute guys pictures all over my blog). Well, just can't resist. Love the game and the players so much!

Another tennis hunk!

2005-02-23T12:55:00.000+07:00

roddick

Hmmm...i didn't really like him at first. My first impression was that people loved him for his look. While for me, he has this boyband face which i'm not really fond of. But then..after a long observation, I'm pretty sure to put him on my rising star list. So, please check out his game then you'll find out what i mean.